I have always enjoyed celebrating Mother’s Day with my mom and grandmas, but this year it is more special than ever because I am a mom myself! I was getting my second vaccine shot that Friday so was a bit worried I would be feeling under the weather but luckily I had no side effects. I had an early celebration with my parents on Saturday where I had them over and I cooked for them. That night, Jerry was being quite mysterious and was bustling around the kitchen while I was putting Lex to bed. He was asking me for where a bunch of ingredients were (bakings soda and turmeric?!) but I could not guess that he was making!
In the morning, Jerry woke me up and told me that breakfast was ready. He had made 菠蘿包/pineapple buns! For those who don’t know, 菠蘿包 is a Hong Kong classic bread and consists of a fluffy bun topped with a delicious sweet crust. I have made them before in a baking class and they require a lot of effort and are not easy to do at all. I was so impressed that Jerry made them from scratch and even colored them naturally with turmeric (so that’s what it was for!). This morning, he took the dough out of the fridge and allowed it to proof before baking. It was so delicious and it was so sweet that he prepared everything last night. Next to the breakfast was a lovely bouquet of my favorite roses (same as my wedding bouquet) and the sweetest card. What a lovely start to the morning!
Lex also decided to give me a special treat for Mother’s Day and was acting like he was on rocket fuel. I am not sure whether he ate too much of the sweet bread (we just gave him a bite) but he was acting absolutely insane. He usually sleeps at 10 am but after over an hour of wrestling and trying to stop him from flinging himself off the bed, we gave up and decided to just head out to the next surprise! Jerry said that we were going to have lunch late but we were heading out early at 11:30 am so I was once again quite curious as to what he had in store. I was guessing maybe a show but with Lex it was probably not doable. I was also worried it was some outdoor activity because I had a nice dress on and it was quite hot outside! As we drove I started to recognize where we were going and it was a massage followed by a scrumptious buffet lunch at Grand Hyatt. Jerry really has outdone himself!
The massage was absolute bliss. The masseuse noticed that my neck/shoulder area was quite swollen and I think it is because I am always craning my neck when I nurse Lex or when I am putting him to bed. I definitely need to be more careful because it has felt quite stiff for days and I need to adjust my posture a bit. After the massage I rushed down to the Grand Cafe to join my two boys. The food was absolutely delicious and we polished off plate after plate. They even had made to order of my favorite Hainan chicken rice at one of the stalls. After stuffing our faces, we were ready to head home. We then finished off the day with some Harry Potter and pizza after Lex was in bed. What a perfect ending!
The day was absolutely perfect and I am so grateful for my husband who put so much thought and effort into making me feel appreciated and loved. Becoming a mother has been one of the greatest blessings in my life and I am so grateful everyday that I get to experience this indescribable connection and love. Being a mother is also one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It definitely pushes you and makes you redefine your limits (shocked I am still functioning after not sleeping well for over 10 months…and who knew I could hum the same song for hours night after night while being in and out of consciousness). However, all the challenges make it ever more fulfilling and special. It really shows you how strong you can be and all the things you are willing to do to provide the best for your beloved baby. Even when I am tired, I get so much enjoyment in looking up recipes and cooking up delicious and nutritious food for Lex, researching all the most beneficial and fun toys for him, and planning playdates and bringing him to playgroup. Watching Lex grow day by day fills my heart with so much joy and I feel so blessed to be able to experience parenthood with my husband. .
I also know that Mother’s Day can bring a lot of difficult emotions to other people. Particularly people who may have a complicated relationship with their mother, having difficulty conceiving, or having suffered a loss. These are things that I never thought about when I was younger and I am glad that I am more cognizant of that now.
Mother’s Day also is a time for us to show love and appreciation to not only mothers, but anyone who acts as a mother figure, such as a domestic helper. Many of us grew up with a domestic helper taking care of us, and I know a few friends who actually consider their helper to be more of a mother figure than their own birth mother. As we are older now, many of us have a helper who helps us keep our home in tip top shape and also takes amazing care of our little ones. We started off without a helper and only had a cleaner once a week, but we now cannot imagine our lives without our amazing helper! She loves Lex and spends so much time teaching him things, often she gives me lots of good tips also! I also know that she is the mother of a 3 year old back in the Philippines and I often think about how difficult it must be to be so far away from her own child. When I was younger, I was immature and was absolutely clueless about what helpers go through to come work in Hong Kong. As a mother now, it is hard for me to imagine what sacrifices many domestic helpers made to come work in Hong Kong, they miss out on watching their children grow up with the hope of earning more money to secure a better future for them. I hope that my helper knows just how much we value her and that others will also give their helpers a little extra love and appreciation on Mother’s Day (and every day!).
There are so many things to learn and prepare when you’re about to welcome a baby into the world. How to feed your baby has gotten a LOT of attention in recent years. Back when I was a baby, formula was all the rage and was mistakenly deemed to be more beneficial than breastmilk. Now it is common knowledge that breastfeeding has myriad benefits for both mother and baby. Breastmilk provides the perfect nutrition for the baby and also provides precious antibodies. Breastfeeding also lowers the mother’s chance of breast and ovarian cancer. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends exclusive breastfeeding for the first 6 months and then breastfeeding combined with solid foods for 1 year, the WHO recommended breastfeeding up to 2 years and beyond! My goal is to breastfeed for at least 1 year and am open to go beyond that. While breastfeeding for the first 6 months is widely known to be important, breastfeeding beyond 6 months also has a lot of benefits for both the mother and baby. Of course, there are other factors that cause a mother to decide to use formula or breastfeed for a shorter duration of time, and one should make a decision that is best for their family and not let the societal pressure to exclusively breastfeed overwhelm them. This post will share my experience for breastfeeding and the reasons why I did things a certain way. There are a multitude of ways to nourish your child and family circumstances differ – this post is in no way trying to shame anyone who chooses to do things differently!
While breastfeeding is a beautiful and natural thing, it does not seem to come naturally to most women. I heard many terrifying stories of painful clogged ducts and bloody nipples from breastfeeding and had saved the contacts of a few lactation consultants in case I ran into these issues myself. Before giving birth, I took the time to read as much as I could about breastfeeding and also took this awesome course on breastfeeding. I firmly believe that choosing to give birth at Matilda set me up for success in many aspects of newborn care, but particularly in breastfeeding. From the moment Lex was placed in my arms, I had a number of experienced and helpful midwives helping me around the clock. They placed pillows around me, moved Lex around to adjust the latch, grabbed and maneuvered my breasts, and answered my countless questions. I am eternally grateful to them and believe they played an essential role in how well my breastfeeding has been going. I understood that breastfeeding could can be challenging, but that pain was NOT normal and mothers should not feel the need to endure pain during breastfeeding. I knew what to look out for to make sure the latch was good. I was not afraid to unlatch Lex if it was not comfortable and to readjust the position.
In the beginning I had to feed Lex every 3 hours (counting from the beginning of the feed). This was extremely time consuming and I kept note of all the feeds with a worksheet provided by Matilda. At first, I needed quite a bit of assistance from the midwives in finding the best feeding position, but I quickly learnt how to do it myself. I stayed at the hospital for 5 days (I had an emergency c-section) and the midwives came in less and less as I got more independent and confident with breastfeeding. However, they were always 1 button away when I needed help! Even though I knew that milk was supposed to come out of my breasts, the first few times still felt quite surreal! I couldn’t believe that my body was producing this magic liquid that would perfectly nourish my baby. My nipples did feel quite sore on the third day, but quickly got adjusted to it. I only had to use nipple balm once or twice and soon did not need it anymore. One tip was to put breast milk on your nipples if they felt dry or chapped and to allow the milk to dry. Many mamas also swear by silverettes to soothe and help heal sore nipples, but I have not tried that myself. I did have some leaky boobs in the beginning and had to use reusable pads, but by around 3-4 months I think my breasts had regulated themselves and I no longer had that issue. My breasts were ridiculously big though (both from the weight gain and breastfeeding), and it was definitely something that I was not used to!
Back at home, I downloaded an app called Baby Tracker which was extremely user friendly and helped me keep track of all the feeds (and nappy changes and nap times! this app is a lifesaver). At month 1, our pediatrician said that Lex was growing wonderfully and that we no longer had to wake him up for night feeds. I was quite excited to hear that but quickly learnt that it didn’t mean much because Lex would still wake up to feed anyways! As I type this at 9 months, Lex still wakes up a few times a night for milk/suckling (not sure if he’s hungry or just for comfort!). Night feeds were quiet and sometimes lonely moments because Jerry would be asleep (he was up and ready to help when I needed it, but it didn’t make sense to have him awake with me just for solidarity’s sake). However, it is also sometimes a sacred and peaceful time between me and Lex. I loved looking down at him suckling peacefully and enjoying this special moment together (not all the time though…sometimes tiring and a mess). It is also comforting to think that in Hong Kong and perhaps around the world, there are thousands of other mothers who are awake at the same time to nurse their babies.
Lex proved to be a hungry baby and I soon started to feed him on demand instead of on a strict schedule. It didn’t make sense to feed him on a schedule as he was hungry often, so I fed him whenever he needed it and allowed him to determine when to stop. However, newborns do have to eat on a schedule in terms of maximum time between feeds, so I had to make sure he ate at least every 4 hours. Apart from that, I would feed him whenever he displayed hungry cues. On demand feeding or responsive feeding has been shown to have many benefits, such as being the ideal way to keep milk production in sync with the baby’s needs, ensuring the baby gets enough milk, and it may even benefit emotional and cognitive development. However, this also means a bigger workload for me – sometimes I fed him up to 13 times a day! Some feeds would be just a snack and lasted for a few minutes, while some feeds would be large meals and would last for over an hour on just one breast. Feeding on demand is also beneficial for when the baby has a growth spurt and cluster feeds. Your baby needs more milk during growth spurts and the cluster feeding signals the mother’s body to produce more milk. Here is another article on why responsive feeding/feeding on demand can be very beneficial. Some people worry that you are unable to tell if your baby is getting enough milk with direct feeding since you cannot measure how much milk they are consuming like with bottle feeding. However, there are various signs that will let you know your baby is drinking enough milk, such as nappy output, physical signs (gulping and demeanor), and weight gain.
Both direct breastfeeding and pumping are great ways to feed your baby, with pros and cons for each method. I chose to mostly direct feed Lex. Direct feeding allows for biological communication between mother and baby where the mother’s milk will be customized in terms of both nutrition and antibodies according to the baby’s needs. Direct feeding will also result in a feedback loop for the supply and demand for breastmilk. Direct feeding is also very soothing for the baby with the suckling motion and the closeness. Breastfeeding is always a special bonding time for me and Lex. Pumping can be more convenient in terms of timing and delegation of feeding responsibilities (especially if the mother has work responsibilities), but it will also mean that the milk is not customized to the baby’s needs at any given moment and may also have less immune benefits. Direct breastfeeding also has its own challenges such as being more time consuming and issues such as pain due to poor latching. However, since I can control my own work schedule and Lex has a good latch, choosing to direct feed Lex was an obvious choice for me. Coincidentally, Lex also rejected the bottle and only wanted to feed directly! We introduced the bottle as suggested by midwives and breastfeeding courses at around 3 weeks after breastfeeding was established to reduce the risk of nipple confusion. He hated the bottle and this was a little bit inconvenient. While I was at home with him 99% of the time, sometimes I did need to have meetings or wanted to see friends! Around 5 months, Lex suddenly decided that he was ok with the bottle and this made my outings a lot less stressful and I didn’t have to rush home at a moment’s notice.
Even though I was lucky to have a relatively smooth journey with breastfeeding, the first few months were still very tough and exhausting. Once Lex wanted milk, everything froze and I had to get to him. I remember many dinners that were interrupted when I had to go to him and nurse. He was so small then and I was also an amateur so I was unable to nurse and eat myself. The night feeds were also exhausting, especially when it took him a while to go back to sleep after the 1 hour nursing session. The first few months were quite a blur and Jerry and I were mostly just on survival mode, but things changed around 3 months. There was a noticeable extension of time between feeds and I was also much better at feeding him on the go! I felt pretty comfortable nursing him in public also and found a loose t-shirt and leggings to be the ideal nursing outfit of choice when outside. I also purchased a number of nursing dresses that allow you to nurse discreetly. Overall, I was not shy to nurse in public and never had any issues. Luckily Lex did not need burping much and did not have too much reflux/spit up. We did make sure to burp him when he was a newborn for around 2 minutes as suggested by the midwives and he would let out some small burps, but overall it was quite easy and as he got older we often did not burp him at all and he was totally fine.
Apart from providing nutrition, nursing proved to be the best way to comfort and soothe Lex. He refused to use a pacifier but was actually obsessed with suckling for comfort. Whenever he was upset, the boob could almost always make things better. This was particularly useful when he was going through fussiness from growth spurts, pain from injections, or discomfort from teething. It is also a wonderful way to get Lex to sleep. I was initially under the inaccurate assumption that it was a bad sleep habit but it is actually a natural and comforting way for a baby to fall asleep!
In terms of pumping and storing milk, I only used a Hakaa pump to collect breastmilk while I nursed Lex in the beginning. Since I was direct feeding him and he hated the bottle, there wasn’t any reason for me to have much of a stash in the freezer. I had a few bags just for emergencies. After 5 months, I purchased a Youha pump and I would pump a few times a week. I usually have around 5 packs of milk in the freezer for the off chance that I was away when he got hungry. Lex also started eating solids around 5.5 months so the frequency of milk consumption also decreased slightly. Remember, a baby who is effective at nursing is the BEST at removing milk from your breasts, not some fancy machine. Pumping output is also not an indication of how much milk you are producing, so do not be alarmed if you feel like your pump output is not as high as you would like. Since I mostly direct breastfed Lex, it wasn’t always easy to get too much out of my pump since he is always taking little sips of milk from me! Sometimes I also felt like my body responded better to the Hakaa than the electric pump. However, if you need to build a stash, there are many ways to improve pump output (same link as earlier).
I did experience a few issues such as engorgement and mastitis. Luckily, they all went away on their own and I did not need anyone to come sort it out for me. Engorgement happens quite often since Lex has random bouts of crazy feeding and I think my body needs some time to adjust to the new demand and breast milk production. My breasts would be hard as rocks and be very painful. I have also had some clogged ducts but luckily they actually did not hurt. I once felt a lump in my breast that did not go away and ultimately went to get an ultrasound to be sure. Luckily it was just mastitis (also weirdly did not hurt, it often is extremely painful for women) and it went away on its own. I also had some milk blebs but they also went away on their own after I popped them (it is not recommended to pop them but I couldn’t resist… luckily it all worked out).
Around 5-6 months, I noticed that Lex was getting more and more distracted while breastfeeding (while doing anything to be honest). It was becoming a struggle getting him to stay still and I was constantly wrestling him! It definitely got quite challenging and some resources recommend covering the baby with a cloth so that they are less distracted. I would sometimes move him to a quiet room or just keep moving him back to the nursing pillow if he tried to squirm away. Around 7 months, Lex also started teething but luckily it has not affected breastfeeding too much. He did accidentally bite me twice and it was very painful but it has not happened since. Fingers crossed that things will still go smoothly as more teeth appear!
I do want to bring attention to something specific that I experienced during breastfeeding. I noticed that I always felt a bout of anxiety whenever I started breastfeeding and I initially just blamed it on postpartum hormones. However, it happened almost every time and I thought it was important to bring it up to Jerry because I was a little concerned. Postpartum mental health is a dire and important issue and we are lucky that there are a lot more resources now (I will also have a separate post on this topic). If you are concerned about something, make sure you talk to your partner or someone else! I was also lucky that one of my good friends had shared with me that her sister suffered from something called D-MER, a condition that made her feel extremely sad whenever she breastfed. Having that knowledge made me feel less alone and also made me understand that there is an actual reason I am feeling this way. Luckily the bouts of anxiety were short and very manageable, and while I never got properly diagnosed, I hope that raising awareness about this will help any other mothers going through it! These feelings also were more pronounced in the early months and I rarely get these bouts of anxiety anymore. It will be something I mention to my obstetrician for my next pregnancy.
Once again, this is my own experience and it does not mean it is the best and only way to nourish your baby! There are so many different factors involved with how one feeds their baby and regardless of whether you choose to direct feed, pump, mixed approach, or use formula, remember that you are the best mother for your baby. I feel very blessed that I have had such a wonderful experience with breastfeeding and think that I will actually miss it when it is time to wean Lex. It has not always been easy, but I will always look back on this experience with fondness.
Changing diapers is not everyone’s favorite part of parenthood, but it is something that has to be done. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen my stories about my excitement to use cloth diapers. I first heard about cloth diapers on social media and was instantly interested. I found out that babies use around 2,500-3,000 diapers in their first year and it is estimated that diapers take around 500 years to decompose! That is a lot of poopy diapers in the landfill! I was pretty disturbed by this statistic, so I was eager to look into reusable cloth diapers. I was overeager and bought a lot of different sizes and brands to try, including Grovia, Thirties, and Charlie Banana.
Fast forward to when we finally had Lex in our arms. We learnt how to change nappies at the hospital and got used to using the Huggies brand. We decided to buy a few packs to use at home since we were familiar with them. The first few weeks were chaotic and super busy so we wanted to use things that we were comfortable with. We decided to start cloth diapering once we felt a bit more secure and confident with newborn care. Once we had more of a routine and were quite the experts with disposable diapers, I was super excited to finally give the cloth diapering a go!
Unfortunately, cloth diapering did not go as smoothly as I had hoped! Essentially, we were experiencing a lot of leaks. I had heard that cloth diapering was harder for newborns since they are so small and funny shaped, but I had bought the newborn sizes and was hoping it would fit ok. Lex has a tiny waist and chunky thighs, a difficult combination when it comes to fit. If the waistband was tight enough, the leg gussets were much too tight. If the leg gussets fit well, the waist was too loose. We kept experiencing leaks from either the waist or the leg. Once it leaked, it meant we had to wash the swaddle and the waterproof pad underneath… as if we did not already have a lot to wash!
I was quite bummed by this and reached out to the cloth diaper shop staff. They were incredibly helpful and sent me lots of tips and fitting videos. However, even after consulting the experts and going over the videos, the leaks were still happening. Jerry is the one in charge of diapering and laundry and it was difficult for me to keep forcing him to try cloth diapers when they weren’t working well.
We decided to retire the newborn cloth diapers for a bit and to try it again when Lex would be a bit bigger. However, upon further investigation it seems like there is a big debate (another article here) on whether cloth diapering is actually better for the environment as compared to disposables. I was surprised and was pretty annoyed at myself for not doing my due diligence earlier. Our whole reason for using cloth diapers was to be eco-friendly and now I found out that they are just as bad – if not more than using disposables. This not always the case if you are able to launder them efficiently, but with Hong Kong’s humidity, we had to use the dryer for each wash and that uses up a lot of energy. We also had to do cloth diaper laundry either every day or at the very least every other day. Many people use cloth diapers for other reasons such as cost saving but since that was not our main reason, it did not make sense to put in all the extra effort in laundry when it did not result in a greener choice.
I was pretty bummed out that cloth diapering did not work out and was still hoping that it would somehow work, but after consulting with Jerry, he said that he was over the idea and that we should let someone else enjoy cloth diapering. I ended up selling all the cloth diapers at a huge discount via FB and was happy that other people are able to use the products! We also make an effort in many other areas of our lifestyle to be eco conscious so I will focus my attention on what works for us! In terms of diapering wipes, we still do a mix of disposables and cloth wipes (which can easily be tossed in the wash with other baby items).
I certainly don’t want my experience to discourage others who want to try cloth diapering (especially if you are able to launder them without a dryer), but I just want to be completely honest regarding our personal experience. Next time I must remember to do my research properly and also not commit the amateur mistake of buying too many baby things at one go!
Once our baby Lex was born, I was naive enough to think that it was time for me to go to bed… NOPE! Parenting started right away! After I was stitched up, I was rolled back to the maternity unit into our room. We opted for a private room and Jerry got settled into the pull-out bed. It was around 11 pm by then and I was wired but also exhausted. Lex was rolled into the room after getting his measurements and shots and it was time to feed! Two midwives came into my room to help me get set up by propping pillows everywhere, showing me the different positions, and helping Lex latch properly. At that moment Lex was only drinking colostrum, as it takes a fews days for the milk to come in. His tiny tummy was also the size of a cherry, so he only needed a very small amount of food. I was to feed Lex every 3-4 hours (counting from the start time) and for 30 minutes on each breast. This schedule was important for Lex’s growth and also for making sure my milk supply was established. I was given a clipboard with a time sheet to keep track of each feed. Once the feeding was done, the midwives left and told me that they would return at the scheduled time for the next feed… I only had around 2 hours to sleep! I definitely did not expect this to happen right away, but it was a great way to propel into parenthood – goodbye 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep!
Breastfeeding was going well, but in the first few days I needed a lot of assistance from the midwives. I would use a giant nursing pillow and around 2-3 extra pillows to get into the right position. Luckily Lex latched pretty well and I was also not afraid to remove him from the breast and re-latch him if it was not comfortable. However, by the third day my nipples were definitely getting quite sore. Luckily they recovered quickly and there were no splits or anything serious. By the fourth day my milk came in and it was so fascinating to see how the clear colostrum was no more and white milk was coming out! I felt like a cow! Even though I knew this was what was supposed to happen, it was still so strange to see it occurring.
As for myself, I was lucky to experience an extremely smooth recovery after my emergency c-section. I had heard that some women could hardly get out of bed after a c-section, so I was preparing myself for days of bedrest and pain. However, I was able to get up and walk around the next day with minimal pain. I was prescribed Panadol, but was allowed to ask for stronger pain medications if needed, but it was not necessary. I was a little careful when getting up from the bed, but apart from that, I felt great! My tummy was still a bit swollen and I looked like I was 4-5 months pregnant. It felt so weird to touch it and it was so soft and empty, like a deflated balloon! I knew it would take a few weeks to reduce in size, so I was not too worried. Breastfeeding is also known to help the uterus shrink and I could definitely feel some light cramps whenever I was feeding Lex. The c-section also cut into a few nerves, so my tummy was both numb and slightly sore… a really strange feeling. Dr. Ghosh said that the regular sensations would come back after I would fully recover.
Getting up every 3 hours to feed was definitely a big change from my 8-9 hours of sleep a night, but I felt pretty energetic throughout the week. It was also helpful to have the option for Lex to be taken to the nursery at night. Matilda encourages room sharing between mother and baby, but if the baby is fussy, the midwives will whisk him away to the nursery, so parents can sleep peacefully. By around midweek, the midwives would come in less often and I was more independent in terms of breastfeeding. I kept track of the feedings using the form that was provided and woke up at night to feed Lex myself. I still had the use of the magic button – a button that I could press whenever I needed assistance and a midwife would appear in minutes, but they were definitely giving me more room to get used to breastfeeding on my own.
We were also lucky to be able to have visitors during the pandemic. The hospital allowed 2 visitors each time and we were able to see my parents and some good friends. I was worried that I would be too tired or overwhelmed, but seeing my loved ones were absolutely wonderful.
The midwives at Matilda were absolute angels. Since we were unable to take the antenatal course due to Covid, we learnt a lot about newborn care during our week long stay there. We had read a lot and watched lots of YouTube videos, but never got hands on experience. We learnt all about cleaning Lex’s face, giving him a bath, umbilical cord care, circumcision care, changing diapers, and breastfeeding. While the c-section was unplanned, I now look back at it as a blessing in disguise, because it gave us so much extra time to learn these new skills. I was initially scheduled to stay for 2 nights for a vaginal birth, but ended up staying 5 nights for the emergency c-section. Matilda is also super comfortable and it gave us extra time to rest and recharge before going home. The meals were also yummy and arrived in record time after we ordered each time. It was a nice break before getting back to real life! The midwives were so attentive, experienced, and compassionate. We came into the hospital with limited knowledge of newborn care and were shook up after my delivery, but we left Matilda feeling confident and secure as budding new parents.
Stephanie Lau 