Preparing Lex for the new baby, their first meeting, and how it’s going!

Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Uncategorized

Welcoming a new baby to the family is super exciting but we also need to make sure the older sibling is properly prepped! It is a big adjustment for the older child, they are wondering who this new person is and whether they are still loved like they were before. Each child will react differently and it’s important for parents to be there for them during this big transition. Lex has a strong personality and is extremely attached to me, so we wanted to make sure we did everything we could to make the adjustment as smooth as possible. We expected Lex to be quite jealous of the baby because he was still nursing and he also gets quite territorial with me when Jerry hugs or touches me. However, we also noticed that Lex loves babies and is super gentle and loving to smaller babies in the playground! We did a number of things to prepare Lex for the baby before his arrival and also have some tips for what to do after the baby arrives. We hope this will be helpful if you are going to welcome a lovely little sibling soon!

Here are some things that we did to prepare Lex for his new baby brother:

Read books about welcoming a new baby: We ordered a number of super cute books about welcoming a new baby, mom being pregnant. and becoming a big brother. There are lots online and you can find ones that match with your situation (becoming a big sister or brother etc). Some of are favorite include “My new baby” by Rachel Fuller, “I am a big brother” by Caroline Church, “There’s a house inside my mummy” by Giles Andreae, and we also made a personalized one from Wonderbly.
Talk about the baby: Lex will be 2 when the baby arrives so he was able to understand quite a bit. We spoke about how the baby was inside my belly and how a baby brother would join us soon. We spoke about baby brother often and Lex was really excited to meet him!
Got a present from the baby for Lex: We picked a gift that Lex would love (little wooden train) and told him that it was from his baby brother. Lex was super excited and happy that he was receiving a gift from the baby and this definitely helped develop positive feelings towards the baby. Some websites also suggest having the older sibling pick a gift for the new baby but we felt like Lex would just want to keep it for himself, so we didn’t do that bit.
Took Lex to the doctor’s appointment: we brought Lex a few times to the ultrasound appointment! He was very curious to meet the doctor and to see baby brother with the “special camera”. It was such a special experience and we loved that he was part of the process also.

All these actions seemed to have a positive effect on Lex and he always spoke about baby brother happily. He was excited to meet him and even told him “to come out soon” during the final few weeks. It was so sweet and I felt pretty confident in our preparations for their meeting.

One of my most anticipated moments (apart from meeting Bas), was to see my two boys meet for the first time. I read that you should have the newborn in a neutral position when the older child comes for the first time. This way the older child does not feel threatened and you are also supposed to let them discover the baby on their own. I placed Bas on his little bassinet next to the bed before Lex arrived and made sure I wasn’t nursing or holding Bas. Lex came in and was really excited to see me. We did not tell him about the baby but he gasped when he realized the baby was there. He was so thrilled to see Bas and it completely melted my heart! It was everything I had hoped for and more. Lex was the sweetest most gentle big brother and you could see how much he adored Bas. It is true when they say that your heart just grows in size when you have another child. My heart could burst with love as Lex cradled Bas in his arms and gave him small kisses. I was so proud of my big boy for being such a sweet big brother.

After we brought Bas home, Lex continues to be the sweet and caring big brother. It really is amazing to see how much they adore each other. Bas is always excited to see Lex and smiles. Of course, Lex has his moments and sometimes will be mad at Bas. If Lex is in a bad mood and Bas needs to nurse (I am tandem nursing both), sometimes Lex will smack Bas on the head or try to hurt him in some way. However, this rarely occurs and Lex is mostly excited to help and dote on Bas. Some things that we found helpful were:

Don’t blame things on the baby: when you can’t do something with the toddler such as reading or playing because you are doing something for the baby, don’t say “I cant do ____ because I am ____ with the baby”. This may cause the toddler to resent the baby. Make up some other excuse not related to the baby. We did this in the beginning but after a few months I felt like Bas and Lex’s relationship was secure enough and Lex also had to understand that he needed to be patient, so I stopped doing this. I would tell Lex that Bas is doing this right now and he needs to wait etc.
Let the toddler feel helpful: We always ask Lex to help with Bas, this makes him feel appreciated and included. We might ask him to bring a diaper or to sing for Bas when he is crying.
Talk about how much the baby loves the toddler: I genuinely think that Bas is delighted to see Lex, but I make it into a whole story and tell Lex “Bas loves you so much!” or “Bas loves learning from you, you can teach him so many things!” etc. and Lex is happy to hear it also.
Spend extra quality time with the older child: we were super lucky that the transition period went so smoothly. Lex always asks for Bas to join in whatever outing we go to. Sometimes we say “should we bring Bas?” and Lex always says yes! However, I think it’s also important for Lex and I to spend some quality time so now we do date lunch once a week. I say it’s our special time to reconnect and Lex always looks forward to it.

The transition period has been so smooth and it always warms my heart to see how much Bas and Lex love each other. I hope that they will be best buddies for life and I can’t wait to see how their relationship develops.

Birth story – second pregnancy

Family, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Uncategorized

Things have been so busy with two littles one and I am finally ready to share my birth story after 9 months!

After a super eventful birth story for my first pregnancy, I was really hoping to have a smoother delivery for my second baby. Of course things never seem to go to plan and I find out that my boys like to make their own grand entrance!

After having an emergency c section with Lex, I was really hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c section) for this pregnancy. I had a wonderful experience with Dr. Ghosh for my first pregnancy and was excited to have him again for my second pregnancy. I communicated my wish for a VBAC to him and he was fully supportive, however, he was also realistic and told me to keep my options open. There are a number of factors that make you a good candidate for VBAC and conditions leading up to the birth also need to line up in order for it to happen. A VBAC can only happen if all these criterions are met.

In the weeks leading up to my due date, the baby was measuring pretty big from 3.5 kg in week 37 to 3.7 kg in week 38! Dr. Ghosh also said that he was underestimating the measurement and it was likely that the baby was even bigger. I know that there are a lot of instances where women are completely capable of birthing a large baby, but personally I was getting a little concerned with the size of the baby and how it would make labor and birth more difficult. Dr. Ghosh also said that the baby was starting to get a bit cramped inside so he was in a transverse position, which is not ideal for a smooth vaginal birth. Dr. Ghosh kept joking that I married the wrong husband (who is 6’4) for a vaginal delivery haha! Dr. Ghosh was very frank with us and told us that he thinks it would be best to have a scheduled c section. He also told us that due to scar tissue, it would be very dangerous to have another emergency c section if I was in advanced labor. The surgery would be much more difficult and the risk of complications was high. I was slightly disappointed but I also trust his judgement completely so we felt at peace with the decision. Ultimately, the most important thing is that the delivery is safe for me and the baby.

Our scheduled c section was on July 28, Thursday. We actually felt quite relieved that we had a date and that we didn’t have to wait around to wait for labor to start unexpectedly. However, on Sunday night I started feeling some mild cramping that would come and go. I thought it was Braxton Hicks so decided to go to bed. At 3 am, I woke up from the cramps and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was still thinking it was Braxton Hicks so I decided to walk around and see if it would go away. I searched on my phone and read a few articles about differentiating between real contractions and Braxton Hicks. As I was scuttling around the room, Jerry woke up and asked me what I was doing. I felt that that the cramps were coming at a frequent pace so decided to time the cramps. I was shocked when I realized they were coming every 3-5 minutes! Deep down I had a feeling things were happening but I was still in slight disbelief. I decided to call Matilda just in case and the midwife told me to come in. I was hoping we didn’t have to rush to the hospital at 3 am. We cosleep so Lex was sound asleep in our bed and I felt so sad to leave him like that and have him wake up in the morning confused and wondering where we have gone. If we did end up having the baby today this would mean 4-5 nights away from home and this was not the goodbye I had envisioned with Lex. We woke up our helper and finished packing up some final things into our hospital bag before rushing out the door.

On the ride to the hospital, I was starting to feel like I had to use the bathroom for #2 badly. I also started to feel very nauseas and wanted to throw up. With these symptoms I started to accept that fact that I was in fact in labor. We got to the hospital and they were ready for me and started the check in process. Due to the pandemic, we had to do a RAT and a PCR test to ensure I was negative. It was a bit nerve wrecking since I was pretty sure we were ok, but it was not 100% certain. For my scheduled c section, I was supposed to come in either the day before or hours before my admission to do the PCR test. Private hospitals do not accept patients that have covid and they have to deliver at public hospitals – so it was quite a tense time while we waited for the results. While we were waiting for the urgent PCR result, I went into a room (not in the maternity unit) and they started to monitor the baby’s heart rate and also the contractions. The midwife confirmed that they were indeed real contractions and not Braxton Hicks. I asked her whether this meant it was likely we would have the baby today and she said yes!

Everything was on standby while we waited for the PCR result and they had not contacted Dr. Ghosh yet. I was a bit worried and asked whether they would transport me to the public hospital if I was positive, to my relief they said since I was already in labor they would not do that and would instead put me in a special isolation room. I was relieved to hear I would not be carted off and luckily my result was also negative! I had asked the midwife whether it was still possible to try vaginal birth and she said she would check with Dr. Ghosh. With the PCR result out of the way, they phoned Dr. Ghosh and I heard her tone on the phone suddenly change. The mood suddenly changed and the midwife rushed back in and asked me to use a surgical body wash on my lower abdomen. She says that Dr. Ghosh is concerned because I have had contractions for a long time but it has not progressed properly. We need to move as fast as possible or else the risk of complications will be high if the emergency c section is performed late into labor. We had to rush to the operation theatre for an emergency c section!

Jerry and I were caught off guard and did not expect things to escalate so quickly. Lots of other medical personnel were rushing in and out to check wristbands, take blood, and sign forms. The midwife was contacting other doctors such as the anesthesiologist, pediatrician, and nurses that needed to help out with the operation. The midwife who was with me from the beginning was incredibly sweet and chatty so she definitely made me feel better about the entire situation. I was personally feeling quite calm but it was quite a shock how quickly the pace picked up. I also trusted my doctor and this hospital fully so I knew I was in good hands. Dr. Ghosh came in and gave me a look of disbelief when I asked one last time about a possible VBAC.

Once we were in the operation theatre the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block and soon I could not move or feel my legs. I really hated that feeling and kept trying to move my toes ala Kill Bill (if you know the scene where Uma Thurman just wakes up from her coma). It was a futile action but I was just curious whether I could do it, but it made me nauseous whenever I tried. The anesthesiologist was really funny and chatty, he played a fun music playlist where every song had the word “baby” in it. I was feeling quite nauseous with the anesthesia and the doctor gave me something to help with the nausea. It helped slightly but I was still feeling quite sickly. I remember not feeling great the first pregnancy but perhaps because I was already so drained, it did not affect me as much. I was more alert and in a normal state of mind for this delivery so the nausea from the anesthesia had a stronger negative affect on me.

At 7:41 our beautiful little boy Sebastian was born! He was crying super loud and was whisked off to be checked by the pediatrician. I was a bit surprised since with Lex he was instantly placed on my chest. I had requested skin to skin as soon as possible with both births so I felt a little impatient while waiting for Bas to be placed on me. It felt like an eternity and I kept looking around to see when they would be done inspecting Bas and I could finally meet my baby.. By the time they placed him on me he was already wrapped up but luckily we got lots of skin to skin back in our room later. He calmed down instantly once he was placed on me and it was such a beautiful and sweet moment. Jerry and Bas went to the nursery to have Bas cleaned and weighed while I was stitched back up. As expected, Bas was a big boy at 3.9 kg! The stitching part of the operation takes a while and I could not wait to get back to the room with Jerry and our new baby!

The birth was once again not what we expected at all but what was most important is that both me and Bas are doing well. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a vaginal birth and I am slightly disappointed that I will never get to experience it. After two c sections all subsequent pregnancies will be c sections – but I am also at peace with how things turned out and I believe all births are beautiful and unique. I had always wanted to see how my physical endurance would play out with a vaginal birth but two emergency c sections also tested my strength in a different way. In many ways a c section was scarier for me than a vaginal birth, I hated the feeling of not being to feel or move my entire lower body and worried about the longer recovery time. Both births were also much more eventful than I expected but I remained calm and adjusted my mindset as things developed. While it was not what I had wanted initially, I will always look back on my births with pride and joy. I can’t believe that I am now the mother of two sweet little boys!

Third trimester – second pregnancy

Pregnancy, Uncategorized

After enjoying the second trimester, it was time to enter the final trimester! I definitely remember feeling much heavier and slower during the third trimester with my first pregnancy and it was no different for my second pregnancy. Similar to other semesters, I did not have as much time to rest since I had to take care of Lex. Overall I still felt pretty good and I was still taking Lex to his playgroup and lifting him and all that, but there were definitely days where it was tougher.

At times my stomach would feel so stretched and distended, but it would usually feel more comfortable once the baby moves further back and is not pushing against my skin. As I got bigger and heavier I also started to walk a bit differently – it was definitely a waddle! The back pain that started around late second trimester was still there and it often happened when I was laying down and would go away when I shifted positions. I felt like my lower back and hip pain was more intense during this pregnancy. It was very uncomfortable constantly and I had to shift around and stretch a little to relieve it.

I also had way less energy and motivation to do any structured workouts. I seriously felt like just existing was already a workout! Walking around was getting tough and the back pain was very uncomfortable. I was still out and about quite a bit so that was good enough for me. I would also go to the pool with Lex and Jerry and floating around in those final weeks was very comfortable.

Apart from the discomfort, we still filled our days with lots of activities including ocean park, alpaca farms, and sport activities for lex. However, it was getting to the peak of summer and the hot weather was becoming quite unbearable for me. I felt quite light headed a few times during the outings so I knew I had to be more careful.

One special thing we had to organize was Lex’s second birthday! We invited some good friends

I had a small scare during 32 weeks as I felt a small amount of liquid come out. Since I did have premature rupture of membranes during my first pregnancy and it started my entire 36 hour ordeal before giving birth to Lex, I wanted to be extra cautious. I was pretty sure it was either pee or discharge but told my doctor anyway. He told me to put in a light pad and to monitor how wet it got after an hour. If it was very wet and odorless, I would have to go to Queen Mary (a public hospital) because I was only at 32 weeks and the baby would be too premature for a private hospital to deal with. I was pretty worried but luckily after an hour the pad was only slightly moist and it smelled like urine. I never thought I would be so happy about leaky urine! Both my doctor and the midwife feel like it is likely urine and that I should not have to worry about it, but to continue monitoring it anyways. Leaking urine during pregnancy (especially during the third trimester) is very common due to extra pressure on the bladder and also changing hormones, but given my past experience I think it is ALWAYS better to be safe that sorry. Premature rupture of membranes or leaking amniotic fluid can have very detrimental affects for your unborn baby and it is always better to be sure.

Another issue I had to deal with during my third trimester was a possible listeria scare. I had watery diarrhea on a Thursday and then slightly looser stool until Monday. I didn’t have to go multiple times a day and overall felt ok but was worried since it was going on for a few days. Listeria is also very scary because the symptoms can be extremely mild and some people don’t even know they have it! Untreated listeria can have terrible effects on your baby such as neurological disorders and even stillborn. I called up my doctor and he referred me to a family doctor. Apparently a blood PCR or stool test to properly diagnose whether I had listeria would take 1-2 weeks, which was ridiculous! I decided to just be extra safe and started the course of antibiotics without doing the tests. It’s not ideal that I have to take medications during my pregnancy but I rather be extra cautious, and the antibiotics prescribed are also totally safe for my pregnancy. It was frustrating as I have been mostly eating at home in the days leading up to my upset tummy, but I tried to be even more careful in the final few weeks before delivery.

The final weeks are truly so uncomfortable and I am so ready to not be pregnant!

Second trimester – second pregnancy

Pregnancy, Uncategorized

The second trimester is the golden period of pregnancy and I really felt great during this time. The nausea was all gone and I had more energy than before. It almost feels like I’m not pregnant!

One major difference between this pregnancy and the first one is that I have a wild toddler to take care of. In the first pregnancy, I could rest and relax as much as I wanted. With the second pregnancy, I didn’t really have that much time to think about being pregnant and wistfully prepare for the arrival of the baby. Lex also still does not sleep through the night so that was definitely tough to deal with while pregnant. I was really struggling with the first trimester as I felt sick and fatigued often. Lex is super energetic and also has strong emotions so it’s not always easy with him. We still had our wonderful part time helper but she only came for half days so mornings were typically quite tough for me when I was not feeling my best during the first trimester. That is why the easiness of the second trimester was more appreciated than ever in this pregnancy.

Lots of fun activities with Lex during my pregnancy

In my first pregnancy, I was still navigating different workouts and getting used to my fitness and energy level during pregnancy. With the second pregnancy, I had a better idea of what worked and didn’t work. I got a walking pad and I would do walking exercises a few times a week. I also continued to do prenatal workouts with BodyFitbyAmy. I did not run at all during my first pregnancy but did a run once a week until week 20. I had felt pretty good during my runs, but by week 19 I was getting a painful stitch every time I ran so I knew it was time to stop. I was bummed that I couldn’t run anymore but the walking pad was really helpful and I did walks at home frequently. It was super convenient and I was really glad that I was able to keep up with a low impact workout. Pregnancy is no time to push the limit and set new fitness goals, all I wanted was to keep moving and feel good. I was really happy with my workout frequency in the second trimester and I would work out 3-4 times in the weekdays and weekends would be quality time with Jerry and Lex that often included walks and time at the pool or beach.

Of course another exciting part of the second trimester is that we get to find out the gender of our baby! We were so thrilled to find out that we were having another little boy! I have loved being a boy mom so much and we were so excited to have another little monkey to chase after. However, it is also the time when you get annoying comments from random people. People LOVE to ask about whether it’s a girl (which is mostly harmless), but some even have the nerve to look really sad or sorry for me when I say I am having another boy. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for some people to grasp that perhaps not everyone wants one boy and one girl? It’s so weird that some people assume every wants that. I am perfectly happy being a boy mom and it’s so rude of people to make negative and presumptuous comments. It is especially irritating when I’ve already stated that I am happy to have two boys and people still want to say something dumb like “but a girl would be so nice!”. Irritating comments aside, we are always super excited to find out the gender of our baby. It is also the time we find out the results for the NIPT, and it’s always a relief to know that every thing is normal. Once we knew it was a boy, I was so excited to start nesting and take out Lex’s cute old clothes for baby brother.

Having a second boy also made selecting the name easy. We had two final names narrowed down when we had Lex and we picked Alexander because we felt it fit him better. We also loved the other name and we had agreed that if we had a second son we would use that name. We did do a tiny bit of name research anyways but I already had my heart set on that name.

Due to the hormones, I had to get up in the middle of the night to pee during the first trimester. Luckily this started to go away in the 2nd trimester. I also suspect that I felt some baby movement around week 16 but the movements became more obvious at week 18. One very uncomfortable symptom was that my allergies got horrendously worse during pregnancy. I always had nasal allergies but it was very severe during my pregnancy. I also did not want to take allergy medicine during pregnancy so it was tough to deal with. This was particularly unfortunate during Covid times, when I would be sneezing and sniffling nonstop. Another annoying symptom was that my lower back was starting to get quite sore as I neared the end of my 2nd trimester.

In terms of breastfeeding, my milk supply also completely dried up during the 2nd trimester. Lex still asked for milk and was just dry nursing at this point. I think he just liked the comfort from the suckling. We had mostly night weaned by now and Lex would nurse around 3 times a day.

Generally this trimester was great and I felt pretty good until near the end. I was gaining weight at a pace that I was comfortable with. The dry scalp from first trimester was also gone. One thing I noticed is that I did not get a linea negra on my belly this time. It was very prominent with the first pregnancy but I did not get it this time during the second trimester, perhaps it will show up later in the third trimester!

First trimester – second pregnancy

Motherhood, Pregnancy, Uncategorized

I can’t believe this is round two for me! I was pretty lucky to have a relatively smooth pregnancy with only some symptoms so it will be interesting to see whether this pregnancy will be similar.

Unfortunately the first thing I noticed was that the morning sickness was WAY worse this time around. It could also be due to the fact that I found out my pregnancy while we were in a 3 week hotel quarantine. The lack of fresh air and being stuck in a hotel room definitely made things worse. I felt so unwell and really just wanted to be in bed all day. I had to get my act together though because I had to play with Lex and make sure he was taken care of during the quarantine. It was definitely a pretty tough experience and once we got out and had some fresh air I already felt slightly better. In my first pregnancy, I did feel a bit nauseous but I would never actually throw up. I did projectile vomit a few times this pregnancy, especially if I had an overly indulgent meal. I also noticed that I had a lot of saliva which is apparently another symptom of morning sickness. I usually felt better after eating and certain foods that I usually loved seems absolutely repulsive to me (like salmon!). I also had to burp quite a bit, especially after eating. The nausea got better around 8 weeks but then got worse again by 9 weeks… yay for 1 week of respite. Lex also got quite sick around then so I was also extra tired and not sleeping well from taking care of him. Thankfully, the nausea went away completely by 11/12, which was similar to my first pregnancy.

Feeling totally horrid during quarantine but cuddles help!

Another difference was how TIRED I felt this pregnancy. It is normal to be fatigued during the first trimester but I definitely felt this way more this time. With my first pregnancy, I could rest and sleep as much as I wanted, but now I had a wild toddler to take care of. Lex also is still not sleeping through the night and I alway respond and support him over night, so it was definitely tough to be doing both that and also going through the first trimester. I took Lex to his playgroup 3 times a week and we also continued to do fun things as a family on weekends. We did not have full time helper (our part time comes at 12 pm) so mornings were also quite tough for me since I was on my own. Some days I find myself almost dozing off while reading to Lex!

I have read that women show more quickly during the second pregnancy and this was definitely true for me! I felt like I already looked slightly pregnant at 8 weeks. I remember with my first pregnancy I didn’t really look properly pregnant until 5-6 months. Some other symptoms include a very annoyingly dry scalp. My scalp would be very itchy and dry and flakes of skin would come off. I also noticed my c section scar darkening a bit.

Not feeling great but I have to keep up with my little man!

I am still breastfeeding Lex and this was a little uncomfortable because nipples become quite sensitive during pregnancy. Overall it is doable but there are times when it hurts quite a bit. Luckily he is slowly feeding more and we are also gently night weaning him (more on that in another post!). My milk supply also seemed to be reduced but I was still producing milk.

Overall I think my two pregnancies have been relatively similar and luckily no major discomforts. I am looking forward to the second trimester!

Safe sleep practices and our set up for Lex

Family, Motherhood

This is a very important topic and something I knew very little about before I got pregnant! SIDS is every parent’s worst nightmare and safe sleep practices are extremely important in reducing SIDS. I understand that things are not always black and white and sometimes it is difficult to do things exactly as recommended, but I really hope that this post will be a good resource by gathering information from reliable sources, so that you can make an informed decision in creating a safe sleep environment for your baby. As always, seek the advice of your doctor and also do your own research to make the best decision for your family.

The guidelines for safe sleep

There are a number of reliable and evidence-backed resources out there regarding safe sleep, but there also a lot of confusing products out there that aren’t as safe as they claim to be. Here is a page on the updated safe sleep for infant recommendations from the American Academy of Pediatricians and an article from the CDC.

Infographic from the CDC

The recommended guidelines for safe sleep are:

Babies should always be placed on their back on a firm mattress with a tightly fitted sheet.
Avoid the use of soft bedding and keep items such as stuffed toys, bumpers, pillows, and blankets out of the crib. Essentially: KEEP THE CRIB BARE.
Share a bedroom with parents (the safest is the same room, but not the same sleep surface) for at least 6 months.
Do not use commercial monitors and products such as sleep positioners or monitors marketed to reduce SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).

Similar guidelines are published by the Hong Kong Department of Health, the NHS (UK), the European Foundation for the Care of Newborn Infants and the European Committee of Standardization.

The last point above is particularly important, because there are a lot of products out there that are marketed to trick parents into thinking it will reduce SIDS. I have touched on this briefly before regarding sleep positioners. These products claim to keep your baby in a safe and comfortable position, but actually increase the risk of suffocation. The FDA has issued a warning regarding sleep positioners and baby nests. The safe sleep guidelines from the NHS posted earlier also specifically warn against the use of baby nests. Baby monitors that keep track of the baby’s vitals (while many do not outrightly claim to reduce SIDS) may also give parents a false sense of security.

Nests and pods have been extremely popular and I see them everywhere. They claim to make your baby sleep better by creating a secure and protective feeling. One of them is the Dock A Tot and it may seem like a great place for your infant to sleep, but it should only be used when supervised and it is an unsafe sleeping device. The company itself has issued guidelines stating that the Dock a Tot is NOT a to be used as a sleeping device, yet many parents still use it in an unsafe manner. Another popular sleep pod is the Sleepyhead. The website itself claims that it is safe for use as a sleeping device and can be placed in cribs due to the product adhering to British Standards for breathability. However, since doing so still goes against the safe sleep recommendation of letting a baby sleep on a firm and bare mattress, I would still be cautious when using it as a sleeping device (overnight). This of course does not mean it is a bad product. I actually used a Sleepyhead and it was absolutely perfect for supervised naps and lounging! I also know that many babies sleep much better in the pods as compared to a large crib, so I can understand why parents may want to use them as they don’t know they are unsafe sleep devices.

The Lullaby Trust (backed by Public Health England) has also issued a safety warning against baby sleep nests or pods. The Department of Health of Canada has also issued a safety warning for baby nests and pods. Give this article a read if you want to learn more about sleep positioners and nests/pods. The Lullaby Trust is an UK organization made up of pediatricians and academics with expertise in infant sleep and SIDS.

Ultimately, I think the take home message is to keep the crib as bare as possible. It may look very plain and you’re tempted to add some pillows or toys, fluffy blankets, or products that claims to be beneficial, but don’t do it!

There are a lot of different products out there and it can get confusing for new parents, but it is so important for us to do our homework and look up whether they are actually safe or not. Many products may also claim that their products are safe, but actually lack evidence or official safety certifications to back up that claim.

I do want to add that these are also general guidelines and as much as we should try to follow them, do discuss with your doctor (who is up to date with your child’s individual development and health) to discuss options. Here are some exceptions that I discussed with my healthcare provider:

- Blankets: I had read that blankets were considered unsafe until 12 months, but I noticed that blankets were used in the hospital where I gave birth. I checked with the midwives and two different pediatricians and they said that light blankets were fine to use as long as they are tucked in at the end of the bed and the infant’s feet are at the bottom end of the bed.
- Stuffed toy or lovey in bed with baby: The guidelines say that the crib should be bare but at 4 months our pediatrician recommended that we place a lovey or toy in bed with Lex so that he would feel more secure when he wakes up. He is quite a robust baby and we all felt comfortable that he would be able to push it aside if it was bothering him.
- Co-sleeping: Room sharing (but with the baby sleeping on a different sleep surface) is what is recommended and I personally had always felt a bit uneasy having a tiny baby in the bed with us. However, upon further research and my own real life experience, I have a new perspective about co-sleeping. I also spoke to my doctor about this and will share more in a separate post!

Our sleeping set up for Lex

In accordance with the guideline of having the baby share our room (and since we will not be hiring a confinement nanny or a full time helper), Lex will sleep in our room in a bassinet for the first 6 months. His bassinet is next to my bedside, so it will be easier for me to check on him and also for night feedings. The bassinet that we chose is the Tutto Bambini Cozee (for purchase in HK). I like it because it has a flat firm mattress and also mesh sides for ventilation. The Chicco Next2Me series was also considered and has similar qualities, but I ultimately went for the Tutto Bambini because the Chicco one felt a little flimsy.

The plan is that we we will move him to his own nursery at 6 months where we have a Baby Letto crib (for purchase in HK). We actually did not pay attention to the quality of wood and painting technique when we first looked into cribs and only realized that it was actually something that was important later on. We had already picked the Baby Letto crib and realized after purchasing it that it is GREENGUARD certified, which means that it is screened for over 10,000 chemicals and VOCs. The crib is also made using a non-toxic painting technique (great since Lex loves to slobber and gnaw on everything) and the crib is made with one of the most sustainable types of woods on earth (an extra plus!). We also purchased a Baby Letto non-toxic mattress with a waterproof cover for the crib. We wanted to get the same branded mattress to ensure that it fits (although most standard crib measurements should work). It also seemed like a brand that can be trusted.

We use 100% cotton/organic cotton sheets or bamboo sheets for the bedding and we got sheets that fit the mattress perfectly to ensure a tight fit. The crib will be bare and will not have any pillows, sleep positioners, bumpers, or large stuffed toys. We swaddled Lex until he was able to roll over. We also used a light blanket tucked into the bassinet but switched to sleep sacks around 4 months and removed the blanket. We have the room at 20-22 Celsius (this is an article on the best temperature for infant sleep…. I don’t think I can handle 16 Celsius!). I also periodically check his neck to make sure he is not too hot or cold.

For napping, we used a SleepyHead with Lex that was kindly lent to us by a friend. It is true that it is much more snug and he sleeps better in it as compared to the large crib during his naps, so I can understand the appeal of using this product, but I do not use it for overnight sleeping.

If you read everything… thank you!! If you didn’t, I still hope that this was useful in helping you make more informed decisions about how to create a safe sleeping environment for your infant. Apart from just doing the research, also check periodically to make sure you are updated with the latest guidelines and product recalls. Sleep with a baby is not always easy, but I am sure that with time and effort we will all find the solution that works best for our family!

Our stay at the hospital – first week as parents!

Motherhood

Once our baby Lex was born, I was naive enough to think that it was time for me to go to bed… NOPE! Parenting started right away! After I was stitched up, I was rolled back to the maternity unit into our room. We opted for a private room and Jerry got settled into the pull-out bed. It was around 11 pm by then and I was wired but also exhausted. Lex was rolled into the room after getting his measurements and shots and it was time to feed! Two midwives came into my room to help me get set up by propping pillows everywhere, showing me the different positions, and helping Lex latch properly. At that moment Lex was only drinking colostrum, as it takes a fews days for the milk to come in. His tiny tummy was also the size of a cherry, so he only needed a very small amount of food. I was to feed Lex every 3-4 hours (counting from the start time) and for 30 minutes on each breast. This schedule was important for Lex’s growth and also for making sure my milk supply was established. I was given a clipboard with a time sheet to keep track of each feed. Once the feeding was done, the midwives left and told me that they would return at the scheduled time for the next feed… I only had around 2 hours to sleep! I definitely did not expect this to happen right away, but it was a great way to propel into parenthood – goodbye 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep!

Breastfeeding was going well, but in the first few days I needed a lot of assistance from the midwives. I would use a giant nursing pillow and around 2-3 extra pillows to get into the right position. Luckily Lex latched pretty well and I was also not afraid to remove him from the breast and re-latch him if it was not comfortable. However, by the third day my nipples were definitely getting quite sore. Luckily they recovered quickly and there were no splits or anything serious. By the fourth day my milk came in and it was so fascinating to see how the clear colostrum was no more and white milk was coming out! I felt like a cow! Even though I knew this was what was supposed to happen, it was still so strange to see it occurring.

As for myself, I was lucky to experience an extremely smooth recovery after my emergency c-section. I had heard that some women could hardly get out of bed after a c-section, so I was preparing myself for days of bedrest and pain. However, I was able to get up and walk around the next day with minimal pain. I was prescribed Panadol, but was allowed to ask for stronger pain medications if needed, but it was not necessary. I was a little careful when getting up from the bed, but apart from that, I felt great! My tummy was still a bit swollen and I looked like I was 4-5 months pregnant. It felt so weird to touch it and it was so soft and empty, like a deflated balloon! I knew it would take a few weeks to reduce in size, so I was not too worried. Breastfeeding is also known to help the uterus shrink and I could definitely feel some light cramps whenever I was feeding Lex. The c-section also cut into a few nerves, so my tummy was both numb and slightly sore… a really strange feeling. Dr. Ghosh said that the regular sensations would come back after I would fully recover.

Getting up every 3 hours to feed was definitely a big change from my 8-9 hours of sleep a night, but I felt pretty energetic throughout the week. It was also helpful to have the option for Lex to be taken to the nursery at night. Matilda encourages room sharing between mother and baby, but if the baby is fussy, the midwives will whisk him away to the nursery, so parents can sleep peacefully. By around midweek, the midwives would come in less often and I was more independent in terms of breastfeeding. I kept track of the feedings using the form that was provided and woke up at night to feed Lex myself. I still had the use of the magic button – a button that I could press whenever I needed assistance and a midwife would appear in minutes, but they were definitely giving me more room to get used to breastfeeding on my own.

We were also lucky to be able to have visitors during the pandemic. The hospital allowed 2 visitors each time and we were able to see my parents and some good friends. I was worried that I would be too tired or overwhelmed, but seeing my loved ones were absolutely wonderful.

The midwives at Matilda were absolute angels. Since we were unable to take the antenatal course due to Covid, we learnt a lot about newborn care during our week long stay there. We had read a lot and watched lots of YouTube videos, but never got hands on experience. We learnt all about cleaning Lex’s face, giving him a bath, umbilical cord care, circumcision care, changing diapers, and breastfeeding. While the c-section was unplanned, I now look back at it as a blessing in disguise, because it gave us so much extra time to learn these new skills. I was initially scheduled to stay for 2 nights for a vaginal birth, but ended up staying 5 nights for the emergency c-section. Matilda is also super comfortable and it gave us extra time to rest and recharge before going home. The meals were also yummy and arrived in record time after we ordered each time. It was a nice break before getting back to real life! The midwives were so attentive, experienced, and compassionate. We came into the hospital with limited knowledge of newborn care and were shook up after my delivery, but we left Matilda feeling confident and secure as budding new parents.