I am so thrilled to finally share my birth story! It took me a while to write it up, because things have been in full swing since baby Lex arrived. It was also a lot to process, so I wanted to take some time before finally writing it out.
Leading up to the due date, we were getting extremely impatient and were desperate for our baby boy to arrive. We had been sure that he would come early (a total hunch), since he was measuring big and many of Jerry’s friends’ babies came early. On the day before the due date, I lost my mucus plug and Jerry excitedly packed his hospital bag… but we soon found out that while loosing the mucus plug meant things were going in the right direction, labor could start in hours or weeks.
My due date came and went and I was scheduled to see my doctor in the coming week to discuss options. At 40+3 days, I woke up at 4 am and felt a small bit of water coming out. I went to the bathroom to check, but was unsure whether it was amniotic fluid or not. I put on a pad and went back to sleep. At 6 am I felt another small gush and I decided to call the hospital to double check. The medical staff told me to come in to be monitored, so we got to the Matilda Hospital at 9 am and I was shown into the Delivery Spa (what a name!). I had two belts put on my belly, one to monitor contractions and one to monitor the baby’s heart rate. Fortunately everything seemed normal, so I just had to wait for my doctor (Dr. Ghosh) to come in. We did a quick test to check whether the fluid was amniotic fluid and it came back as a weak positive. Dr. Ghosh advised me to stay in the hospital, because this meant I had a premature rupture of membranes, as my waters had broke but labor had not properly started (I had some very weak contractions and my cervix was completely closed). Jerry and I were excited! This meant that things were finally happening. Little did we know this was the beginning of a very long and difficult two days. We spent the entire day walking around the hospital, bouncing on the exercise ball, and doing labor inducing exercises to try and get spontaneous labor started.
After moving around all day, contractions were still not happening and at 8 pm Dr. Ghosh suggested a pessary to induce labor. The pessary is put in your vagina and is a more gentle way to induce labor. The next stage is to use the synthetic form of oxycontin (syntocinon/pitocin), but this is much stronger. Dr. Ghosh wanted to see how my body reacted to the pessary before putting me on the IV syntocinon drip. Dr. Ghosh also told me that if my body would not react well, there was chance that we would have to opt for a c-section. I was quite worried that we would have to do that, because I had hoped for an all natural birth with as few medical interventions as possible, but I was also open to the idea if it made the most sense for me and my baby. I went to bed hoping that the pessary would work.
At 4 am, I felt a huge gush of water and woke up. My water had properly broke (like in the movies) and in the next few hours I experienced periodic huge gushes of water. I almost even slipped on my own amniotic fluid at one point. I started to have frequent contractions and had to be monitored again. At around 5 am, I had my first bloody show. I was getting excited! Things seemed to be going in the right direction. Perhaps I could have my natural birth as planned.
The contractions were bearable at this point and just felt like a dull period cramp. At around 6:30 am, contractions were coming around every 2 minutes and getting quite uncomfortable and I started doing my breathing exercises with Jerry. At 8:00 am, contractions were starting to slow down again and Dr. Ghosh came in to examine me. I was disappointed to learn that after hours of contractions my cervix had hardly opened. However, Dr. Ghosh felt that we had enough progress to move onto the syntocinon/pitocin IV drip. At this point I had mixed feelings. I was excited to get the contractions to be stronger to move me along to delivery, but induction of labor increases the risk of a c-section and pitocin use also causes contractions that are “usually stronger, more regular and more frequent than those where labor has begun naturally”. I had wanted to try delivering my baby without any pain relief, so the risk of having more intense and frequent contractions was a bit worrying. Dr. Ghosh also asked me whether I wanted to consider an epidural now, which was surprising because he knew of my birth plan and how I wanted to refrain from pain relief unless absolutely needed. However, I soon found out why he gave me the option early…
Once the pitocin started, things ramped up quickly. The contractions came back stronger than ever before and I was really starting to struggle. It felt like everything was cramping up and there were stabbing pains in my entire abdomen. Jerry would stand with me to do the breathing exercises that I learnt during the Positive Birth Course, but soon I was unable to follow with the breathing because it was just too painful. I felt that swaying around during the contractions felt better than laying down, but at times I was in so much pain that I had to grasp the side of the bed. It was also unfortunate that the midwife assigned to me at that time was quite unsupportive and stoic. She kept saying that these contractions were not even the worst yet and I had a long way to go. I really just wanted to tell her to STFU and after a while asked her if she ever had kids. She said “no” so I wanted to tell her that she clearly has no idea what I was going through. The dosage of pitocin was gradually being increased and the contractions became stronger and stronger.
Unfortunately, my baby’s heart rate also started to decelerate, so Dr. Ghosh was called and the dosage was lowered and was not to be increased anymore. The breathing exercises were supposed to be done in sets of 4 because that is how long normal contractions were, however, these contractions lasted for much longer. You are also supposed to have a bit of a break between contractions but they started to come right after another. At this point it was past lunch time, but I had no appetite, as I was consumed with just trying to get through the contractions. Even though I did not find my midwife to be supportive, she was extremely diligent in noting down my baby’s heart rate and also provided me with some useful information regarding pain relief options. I did not want gas or a pethidine injection, because I did not want to feel out of it or tired. Therefore the epidural made the most sense to me. She also told me that at this rate, I had at least 6+ hours to go… hearing that made me finally bite the bullet and agree to an epidural.
I had said I would be open to the idea of an epidural if things became too difficult, but I could not help but feel like I had let myself down and that I had failed. I really wanted to try and power through the birth and even though I knew that I already had the induction, which made things more laborious, it was still a disappointment. However, the idea of being in this much pain (and probably even stronger contractions) for another 6 or more hours was unfathomable. At that point I was unable to eat, felt nauseous, and was shaking. I knew that I had to set aside my pride and do what made sense.
Once I got the epidural, things were a lot easier. However, I still had a strange cramping sensation in my back/bum area. I was finally able to relax a little and ordered some food. Dr. Ghosh came every few hours to check on me and I was desperate to see whether I had progressed. Sadly, after hours of painful contractions, he said that my cervix had only dilated to 3 cm. 4 hours later, my cervix was only at 7 cm and my baby’s head was also not low enough. Dr. Ghosh said that he would check one more time later at night and if things were still not progressing, we would have to go for the c-section. The midwife suggested that I go on all fours (on the bed with pillows under me) to help the baby’s head engage and I did that for about an hour. Once I sat back up, I felt extremely unwell and ended up throwing up everything. The midwife took my temperature and I had a fever at 37.9, which then increased to 38.4 a while later.
Dr. Ghosh was called again and notified of this development. It has been almost 40 hours since my water first broke and with the fever there was now a serious risk of infection. There was no choice but to go for the emergency c-section. When I heard that, I instantly felt a bit panicked, even though I knew this was a potential outcome all along. I also felt a bit let down, because after all these hours of trying, we still had to come to this final step. I was so eager to have a natural delivery and to see what my body was capable of. I have always been proud of my resilience and fitness, I felt that no matter how difficult and painful something was, my grit would carry me through, just like in all my triathlons and marathons. The Positive Birth course made a point to say that “your body was designed to do this”, and while it is meant to be a motivating statement, when things go the other way, it could make you question “what was wrong with my body?”. Birth is an extremely complicated and precisely coordinated event between mother and baby, and I had to accept that things were just not in sync. I also accepted that the delivery was not an event for my ego, if things were not working out, I had to do what was best for my baby and myself. I also had to give myself some credit for going through a very difficult labor and handling it the best that I could.
Tears welled up in my eyes but there was hardly any time to be upset. I was also beyond exhausted and mentally drained at that point. It was around 8 pm and we had hardly had any sleep the night before. I wished that we could just pause everything and that I could have one normal night of sleep before going to the c-section. Luckily I had a new lovely midwife helping me who was incredibly warm and supportive, which made a huge difference. She said “good girl, you are doing so well and you have been through a lot” (YES THANK YOU). Jerry knew how I felt and instantly told me that everything was going to be ok, this was what was best for me and our baby boy. Medical staff started moving around at a noticeably quicker pace and I was wheeled into the operating theatre.
Even though I knew it was completely irrational, I kept thinking of all the worst case scenarios, where the anesthesia would not work and I would be the one in a billion person who would suddenly feel all the pain of being sliced open. Luckily, my anesthesiologist was a complete angel (and probably has dealt with people with similar fears) and was extremely reassuring and kind. He kept saying that they would double check everything and ensure that I would feel nothing. He walked me through the entire process and also told me that I would only feel some tugging and pressure. If I felt any pain at all I was to let him know immediately. He put an ice pack on my stomach and asked if I felt it, I told him that I felt the pressure but not the coldness. We were ready to go. He also engaged in carefree banter with me to take my mind off the operation. I felt much more at ease and then he told me that the c-section had already started without me even realizing it! There was a lot of weird tugging and pushing sensations but as promised, I felt no pain.
My mood during this time was peculiar. We had spent months and months waiting for this special moment, but because of how exhausting and painful these last two days had been, my mood was a bit flat. I was unhappy that my excitement was no longer at the same level during this momentous time, but I just felt so drained I wanted it to just be over. However, Dr. Ghosh indicated that our baby was almost out and all those feelings suddenly came back when I heard his cry for the first time – this was our son! All the doctors were laughing happily and said that he was a big baby! He was placed onto my chest instantly for skin to skin and our baby slowly opened his eyes to look at me. It is hard to describe how it felt but it is a moment that I will never forget. There were so many emotions rushing through me and I looked at Jerry – we were now a family.
Stephanie Lau 