Welcoming a new baby to the family is super exciting but we also need to make sure the older sibling is properly prepped! It is a big adjustment for the older child, they are wondering who this new person is and whether they are still loved like they were before. Each child will react differently and it’s important for parents to be there for them during this big transition. Lex has a strong personality and is extremely attached to me, so we wanted to make sure we did everything we could to make the adjustment as smooth as possible. We expected Lex to be quite jealous of the baby because he was still nursing and he also gets quite territorial with me when Jerry hugs or touches me. However, we also noticed that Lex loves babies and is super gentle and loving to smaller babies in the playground! We did a number of things to prepare Lex for the baby before his arrival and also have some tips for what to do after the baby arrives. We hope this will be helpful if you are going to welcome a lovely little sibling soon!
Here are some things that we did to prepare Lex for his new baby brother:
Read books about welcoming a new baby: We ordered a number of super cute books about welcoming a new baby, mom being pregnant. and becoming a big brother. There are lots online and you can find ones that match with your situation (becoming a big sister or brother etc). Some of are favorite include “My new baby” by Rachel Fuller, “I am a big brother” by Caroline Church, “There’s a house inside my mummy” by Giles Andreae, and we also made a personalized one from Wonderbly.
Talk about the baby: Lex will be 2 when the baby arrives so he was able to understand quite a bit. We spoke about how the baby was inside my belly and how a baby brother would join us soon. We spoke about baby brother often and Lex was really excited to meet him!
Got a present from the baby for Lex: We picked a gift that Lex would love (little wooden train) and told him that it was from his baby brother. Lex was super excited and happy that he was receiving a gift from the baby and this definitely helped develop positive feelings towards the baby. Some websites also suggest having the older sibling pick a gift for the new baby but we felt like Lex would just want to keep it for himself, so we didn’t do that bit.
Took Lex to the doctor’s appointment: we brought Lex a few times to the ultrasound appointment! He was very curious to meet the doctor and to see baby brother with the “special camera”. It was such a special experience and we loved that he was part of the process also.
All these actions seemed to have a positive effect on Lex and he always spoke about baby brother happily. He was excited to meet him and even told him “to come out soon” during the final few weeks. It was so sweet and I felt pretty confident in our preparations for their meeting.
One of my most anticipated moments (apart from meeting Bas), was to see my two boys meet for the first time. I read that you should have the newborn in a neutral position when the older child comes for the first time. This way the older child does not feel threatened and you are also supposed to let them discover the baby on their own. I placed Bas on his little bassinet next to the bed before Lex arrived and made sure I wasn’t nursing or holding Bas. Lex came in and was really excited to see me. We did not tell him about the baby but he gasped when he realized the baby was there. He was so thrilled to see Bas and it completely melted my heart! It was everything I had hoped for and more. Lex was the sweetest most gentle big brother and you could see how much he adored Bas. It is true when they say that your heart just grows in size when you have another child. My heart could burst with love as Lex cradled Bas in his arms and gave him small kisses. I was so proud of my big boy for being such a sweet big brother.
After we brought Bas home, Lex continues to be the sweet and caring big brother. It really is amazing to see how much they adore each other. Bas is always excited to see Lex and smiles. Of course, Lex has his moments and sometimes will be mad at Bas. If Lex is in a bad mood and Bas needs to nurse (I am tandem nursing both), sometimes Lex will smack Bas on the head or try to hurt him in some way. However, this rarely occurs and Lex is mostly excited to help and dote on Bas. Some things that we found helpful were:
Don’t blame things on the baby: when you can’t do something with the toddler such as reading or playing because you are doing something for the baby, don’t say “I cant do ____ because I am ____ with the baby”. This may cause the toddler to resent the baby. Make up some other excuse not related to the baby. We did this in the beginning but after a few months I felt like Bas and Lex’s relationship was secure enough and Lex also had to understand that he needed to be patient, so I stopped doing this. I would tell Lex that Bas is doing this right now and he needs to wait etc.
Let the toddler feel helpful: We always ask Lex to help with Bas, this makes him feel appreciated and included. We might ask him to bring a diaper or to sing for Bas when he is crying.
Talk about how much the baby loves the toddler: I genuinely think that Bas is delighted to see Lex, but I make it into a whole story and tell Lex “Bas loves you so much!” or “Bas loves learning from you, you can teach him so many things!” etc. and Lex is happy to hear it also.
Spend extra quality time with the older child: we were super lucky that the transition period went so smoothly. Lex always asks for Bas to join in whatever outing we go to. Sometimes we say “should we bring Bas?” and Lex always says yes! However, I think it’s also important for Lex and I to spend some quality time so now we do date lunch once a week. I say it’s our special time to reconnect and Lex always looks forward to it.
The transition period has been so smooth and it always warms my heart to see how much Bas and Lex love each other. I hope that they will be best buddies for life and I can’t wait to see how their relationship develops.
Things have been so busy with two littles one and I am finally ready to share my birth story after 9 months!
After a super eventful birth story for my first pregnancy, I was really hoping to have a smoother delivery for my second baby. Of course things never seem to go to plan and I find out that my boys like to make their own grand entrance!
After having an emergency c section with Lex, I was really hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c section) for this pregnancy. I had a wonderful experience with Dr. Ghosh for my first pregnancy and was excited to have him again for my second pregnancy. I communicated my wish for a VBAC to him and he was fully supportive, however, he was also realistic and told me to keep my options open. There are a number of factors that make you a good candidate for VBAC and conditions leading up to the birth also need to line up in order for it to happen. A VBAC can only happen if all these criterions are met.
In the weeks leading up to my due date, the baby was measuring pretty big from 3.5 kg in week 37 to 3.7 kg in week 38! Dr. Ghosh also said that he was underestimating the measurement and it was likely that the baby was even bigger. I know that there are a lot of instances where women are completely capable of birthing a large baby, but personally I was getting a little concerned with the size of the baby and how it would make labor and birth more difficult. Dr. Ghosh also said that the baby was starting to get a bit cramped inside so he was in a transverse position, which is not ideal for a smooth vaginal birth. Dr. Ghosh kept joking that I married the wrong husband (who is 6’4) for a vaginal delivery haha! Dr. Ghosh was very frank with us and told us that he thinks it would be best to have a scheduled c section. He also told us that due to scar tissue, it would be very dangerous to have another emergency c section if I was in advanced labor. The surgery would be much more difficult and the risk of complications was high. I was slightly disappointed but I also trust his judgement completely so we felt at peace with the decision. Ultimately, the most important thing is that the delivery is safe for me and the baby.
Ready to not be pregnant!
Our scheduled c section was on July 28, Thursday. We actually felt quite relieved that we had a date and that we didn’t have to wait around to wait for labor to start unexpectedly. However, on Sunday night I started feeling some mild cramping that would come and go. I thought it was Braxton Hicks so decided to go to bed. At 3 am, I woke up from the cramps and couldn’t get back to sleep. I was still thinking it was Braxton Hicks so I decided to walk around and see if it would go away. I searched on my phone and read a few articles about differentiating between real contractions and Braxton Hicks. As I was scuttling around the room, Jerry woke up and asked me what I was doing. I felt that that the cramps were coming at a frequent pace so decided to time the cramps. I was shocked when I realized they were coming every 3-5 minutes! Deep down I had a feeling things were happening but I was still in slight disbelief. I decided to call Matilda just in case and the midwife told me to come in. I was hoping we didn’t have to rush to the hospital at 3 am. We cosleep so Lex was sound asleep in our bed and I felt so sad to leave him like that and have him wake up in the morning confused and wondering where we have gone. If we did end up having the baby today this would mean 4-5 nights away from home and this was not the goodbye I had envisioned with Lex. We woke up our helper and finished packing up some final things into our hospital bag before rushing out the door.
On the ride to the hospital, I was starting to feel like I had to use the bathroom for #2 badly. I also started to feel very nauseas and wanted to throw up. With these symptoms I started to accept that fact that I was in fact in labor. We got to the hospital and they were ready for me and started the check in process. Due to the pandemic, we had to do a RAT and a PCR test to ensure I was negative. It was a bit nerve wrecking since I was pretty sure we were ok, but it was not 100% certain. For my scheduled c section, I was supposed to come in either the day before or hours before my admission to do the PCR test. Private hospitals do not accept patients that have covid and they have to deliver at public hospitals – so it was quite a tense time while we waited for the results. While we were waiting for the urgent PCR result, I went into a room (not in the maternity unit) and they started to monitor the baby’s heart rate and also the contractions. The midwife confirmed that they were indeed real contractions and not Braxton Hicks. I asked her whether this meant it was likely we would have the baby today and she said yes!
Waiting for the PCR results
Everything was on standby while we waited for the PCR result and they had not contacted Dr. Ghosh yet. I was a bit worried and asked whether they would transport me to the public hospital if I was positive, to my relief they said since I was already in labor they would not do that and would instead put me in a special isolation room. I was relieved to hear I would not be carted off and luckily my result was also negative! I had asked the midwife whether it was still possible to try vaginal birth and she said she would check with Dr. Ghosh. With the PCR result out of the way, they phoned Dr. Ghosh and I heard her tone on the phone suddenly change. The mood suddenly changed and the midwife rushed back in and asked me to use a surgical body wash on my lower abdomen. She says that Dr. Ghosh is concerned because I have had contractions for a long time but it has not progressed properly. We need to move as fast as possible or else the risk of complications will be high if the emergency c section is performed late into labor. We had to rush to the operation theatre for an emergency c section!
Jerry and I were caught off guard and did not expect things to escalate so quickly. Lots of other medical personnel were rushing in and out to check wristbands, take blood, and sign forms. The midwife was contacting other doctors such as the anesthesiologist, pediatrician, and nurses that needed to help out with the operation. The midwife who was with me from the beginning was incredibly sweet and chatty so she definitely made me feel better about the entire situation. I was personally feeling quite calm but it was quite a shock how quickly the pace picked up. I also trusted my doctor and this hospital fully so I knew I was in good hands. Dr. Ghosh came in and gave me a look of disbelief when I asked one last time about a possible VBAC.
Once we were in the operation theatre the anesthesiologist gave me a spinal block and soon I could not move or feel my legs. I really hated that feeling and kept trying to move my toes ala Kill Bill (if you know the scene where Uma Thurman just wakes up from her coma). It was a futile action but I was just curious whether I could do it, but it made me nauseous whenever I tried. The anesthesiologist was really funny and chatty, he played a fun music playlist where every song had the word “baby” in it. I was feeling quite nauseous with the anesthesia and the doctor gave me something to help with the nausea. It helped slightly but I was still feeling quite sickly. I remember not feeling great the first pregnancy but perhaps because I was already so drained, it did not affect me as much. I was more alert and in a normal state of mind for this delivery so the nausea from the anesthesia had a stronger negative affect on me.
At 7:41 our beautiful little boy Sebastian was born! He was crying super loud and was whisked off to be checked by the pediatrician. I was a bit surprised since with Lex he was instantly placed on my chest. I had requested skin to skin as soon as possible with both births so I felt a little impatient while waiting for Bas to be placed on me. It felt like an eternity and I kept looking around to see when they would be done inspecting Bas and I could finally meet my baby.. By the time they placed him on me he was already wrapped up but luckily we got lots of skin to skin back in our room later. He calmed down instantly once he was placed on me and it was such a beautiful and sweet moment. Jerry and Bas went to the nursery to have Bas cleaned and weighed while I was stitched back up. As expected, Bas was a big boy at 3.9 kg! The stitching part of the operation takes a while and I could not wait to get back to the room with Jerry and our new baby!
The birth was once again not what we expected at all but what was most important is that both me and Bas are doing well. I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a vaginal birth and I am slightly disappointed that I will never get to experience it. After two c sections all subsequent pregnancies will be c sections – but I am also at peace with how things turned out and I believe all births are beautiful and unique. I had always wanted to see how my physical endurance would play out with a vaginal birth but two emergency c sections also tested my strength in a different way. In many ways a c section was scarier for me than a vaginal birth, I hated the feeling of not being to feel or move my entire lower body and worried about the longer recovery time. Both births were also much more eventful than I expected but I remained calm and adjusted my mindset as things developed. While it was not what I had wanted initially, I will always look back on my births with pride and joy. I can’t believe that I am now the mother of two sweet little boys!
These few months really showed me what a roller coaster the postpartum fitness journey was! After seeing some improvements, especially with my run, I hit a wall and suddenly had a very tough workout. Even at my fittest, I could just have an off day – but it was still very frustrating. There were times where I felt like I was never going to be as fit again, but I knew that had to get out of that headspace and remind myself that I had setbacks during my Ironman training too. There were days where I felt like I was not improving at all, but of course all the training paid off in the end when I completed my Ironman and did it below my goal time! Some days may be tough, but I needed to always keep in mind that hard work and perseverance always win in the end.
During Christmas, I decided to take a week long break and indulge. Of course, there was nothing wrong with that but it also was a bit of a drag to get back to training. I was still working out at around the same frequency as the 2-4 months period but with a little bit more intensity. My birthday followed after Christmas and it was another few days of indulgent eating. After that, I decided it was time to take it up a notch. It has been 6 months since I gave birth. I felt like I had given myself ample time to recover and I could push myself a bit more now.
We had started to do family hikes on Sunday and were initially doing a gentle and flat hike. I decided that we were going to start doing the Twins every Sunday instead. For those not in Hong Kong, the Twins is a relatively tough hike with a lot of stairs. It is a great workout! The timing worked out perfectly with Lex’s growth because he was now able to hang out in the carrier for a longer period of time without getting fussy. Major shout out to my husband who carried this little 18 pound weight during the entire hike!
I also decided to increase my trainer rides from 30 minutes to an hour and to follow a training program. I did not do all the programs of the week because there were 3 and that was too much, but I did 2 of them per week. This was the same program that I used for my race trainings. It felt nice to follow a structured program and that I was dedicating more time to building my bike fitness again. Bike fitness was my toughest discipline during triathlon and it took me a while to develop my bike fitness. However, it was sometimes hard to do a full hour ride with an energetic baby around. Luckily we have a helper who is wonderful with Lex and he was starting to accept the bottle more.
Another fun workout that I started doing were couple run + HIIT circuits with Jerry! It’s not always easy to find time for one another so I decided to make one of our workouts into a “date” activity. We would run to the beach together and then do HIIT circuits such as squat jumps, mountain climbers, and lunges. It was so exciting to be able to do mountain climbers like my pre pregnancy self, when I could hardly do a few when I had just gotten back to working out postpartum!
We also continued to do fun and active family outings together. One activity was kayaking and swimming together! Jerry and I both love an active lifestyle and we hope that we can instill that love in Lex too. One highlight was participating in the our triathlon team’s swim/run event. Jerry and I participated together and even brought Lex! We did a relay so we passed Lex to each other when it was our turn to swim or run. It was such a fun event and also gave me back a taste of the exhilaration and joy of racing.
I also told my personal trainer my plans of leveling up my workouts and she was happy to oblige. We started increasing the weights and intensity and it was very motivating to feel myself get stronger and stronger!
I definitely felt a big difference after all the changes I made to my workout regime and it was incredibly motivating. Due to the pandemic, we were unable to travel for races. It is difficult to work up to race fitness without a race to train for, but I was happy to get myself back to my base fitness. The postpartum fitness journey was very humbling, it was definitely harder than I expected! I am very proud of myself for finding the balance between giving my body time and pushing myself.
I can’t believe this is round two for me! I was pretty lucky to have a relatively smooth pregnancy with only some symptoms so it will be interesting to see whether this pregnancy will be similar.
Unfortunately the first thing I noticed was that the morning sickness was WAY worse this time around. It could also be due to the fact that I found out my pregnancy while we were in a 3 week hotel quarantine. The lack of fresh air and being stuck in a hotel room definitely made things worse. I felt so unwell and really just wanted to be in bed all day. I had to get my act together though because I had to play with Lex and make sure he was taken care of during the quarantine. It was definitely a pretty tough experience and once we got out and had some fresh air I already felt slightly better. In my first pregnancy, I did feel a bit nauseous but I would never actually throw up. I did projectile vomit a few times this pregnancy, especially if I had an overly indulgent meal. I also noticed that I had a lot of saliva which is apparently another symptom of morning sickness. I usually felt better after eating and certain foods that I usually loved seems absolutely repulsive to me (like salmon!). I also had to burp quite a bit, especially after eating. The nausea got better around 8 weeks but then got worse again by 9 weeks… yay for 1 week of respite. Lex also got quite sick around then so I was also extra tired and not sleeping well from taking care of him. Thankfully, the nausea went away completely by 11/12, which was similar to my first pregnancy.
Feeling totally horrid during quarantine but cuddles help!
Another difference was how TIRED I felt this pregnancy. It is normal to be fatigued during the first trimester but I definitely felt this way more this time. With my first pregnancy, I could rest and sleep as much as I wanted, but now I had a wild toddler to take care of. Lex also is still not sleeping through the night and I alway respond and support him over night, so it was definitely tough to be doing both that and also going through the first trimester. I took Lex to his playgroup 3 times a week and we also continued to do fun things as a family on weekends. We did not have full time helper (our part time comes at 12 pm) so mornings were also quite tough for me since I was on my own. Some days I find myself almost dozing off while reading to Lex!
I have read that women show more quickly during the second pregnancy and this was definitely true for me! I felt like I already looked slightly pregnant at 8 weeks. I remember with my first pregnancy I didn’t really look properly pregnant until 5-6 months. Some other symptoms include a very annoyingly dry scalp. My scalp would be very itchy and dry and flakes of skin would come off. I also noticed my c section scar darkening a bit.
Not feeling great but I have to keep up with my little man!
I am still breastfeeding Lex and this was a little uncomfortable because nipples become quite sensitive during pregnancy. Overall it is doable but there are times when it hurts quite a bit. Luckily he is slowly feeding more and we are also gently night weaning him (more on that in another post!). My milk supply also seemed to be reduced but I was still producing milk.
Overall I think my two pregnancies have been relatively similar and luckily no major discomforts. I am looking forward to the second trimester!
The postpartum fitness journey has been a roller coaster! There are days where I feel strong and like I am making great progress, then suddenly I feel unfit and weak again. I was very lucky to have a very smooth c-section recovery. I was able to move the next day and walk around. I hear from friends that some have intense pain and need to stay in bed so I was very grateful that I felt fine and was totally mobile. I did have to extra careful when I was getting up and to not strain my ab muscles. I hardly had any pain in my wound but the edges of the wound felt a little tender. My doctor gave me panadol and some stronger meds but I did not need to use the stronger meds at all and only a little bit of panadol. After I got home, I was able to hang and fold some laundry. In a week I was also able to cook again! I was able to hold and breastfeed Lex with zero problems. I went back to see my doctor 1 week post op to remove the plaster and 2 weeks post op to put on on a scar minimization bandaid. I really took it easy and did not do much until at least week 6 as recommended by my doctor.
During the months of 2-4, it was mostly quite positive and I felt like I was making good progress. However, I was also feeling stuck on whether I should be pushing myself harder or be taking things slower. I did not want to give myself too much pressure and to give my body some time, but I also like being challenged and enjoyed feeling fit and strong. I decided to create a fitness plan for myself but with some more flexibility to fit in my current fitness and lifestyle as a new mom. I also made sure to track my progress and to have a plan of how to continually improve and increase the intensity or duration of my workouts.
Back when I was training properly for triathlons, I was on a super strict workout regime and basically followed everything to a T. I hardly missed a workout and if I did I might move it to the next day to make up for it. With my postpartum workout plan, it was no longer possible to follow a strict daily workout and instead I made a workout plan that included ranges of what I wanted to achieve in a week such as “1-2 runs” or “1-2 Youtube workouts”. I also did not link each workout to a day because I never know whether that day I will be super busy with Lex or be exhausted after a tough night. I enjoyed having a loose guideline of what my workouts should look like so I had some sense of direction but it also did not restrict or stressed me out too much. My plan was to work out 5-6 times a week but I would not beat myself up if I sometimes only worked out 4 times a week.
By 9 weeks, I was moving into high intensity workouts such as HIIT (high intensity interval training). I was still doing some postpartum workouts but was slowly starting to do regular workouts also. By 10 weeks, I was no longer doing postpartum workouts and was also starting to do the advanced moves in the regular workouts (Bodyfit by Amy gives you lots of options for all fitness levels, I also tried out some fun dance fitness classes on Pop Sugar). I also started training with my postnatal trainer for personal training again at 10 weeks. Around this time of 2-3 months, I definitely saw improvement and noticed how I was able to do lunges for a longer time before getting tired and busting out high impact moves that would totally destroy me before.
Love that my pre/postnatal gym is super dog and baby friendly!
By around 3 months, I was ready to incorporate triathlon training back into my workout regime. The bike was always my weakest discipline and I was not looking forward to getting back on the trainer. Bike fitness takes a long time to build and I was feeling a little apprehensive to find out how much fitness I’ve lost. I started doing free rides on my bike on the trainer at first and did short rides of 20-30 minutes. After a few weeks of free riding, I signed up for TrainerRoad again to have more structured training rides. In terms of running, I was able to do two runs during the week, one interval run in my building’s gym and one longer run outside. I slowly built up the longer run to around 4 km and was feeling quite strong and that I was able to push my pace a bit on the uphills!
I still did not feel like I was back at my base fitness, but it was encouraging to see the improvements! It definitely is taking longer than I expected and I did not think I would ever feel this heavy or unfit, but what is most important is that I am getting the work in and slowly building my strength and fitness back!
I never thought I would be hoping to get my period back since as all women know, periods are no fun. However, I was over a year postpartum and we were starting to think about baby #2. Before becoming a mom, I actually had no idea that breastfeeding delayed the return of fertility and actually acts as a natural form of contraception. While I loved not getting my period and all the other lovely PMS symptoms for such a long time, I started to look up ways to get my period back when we started to think about trying for the second baby.
Breastfeeding delays your period because when the baby is nursing, prolactin is released and it inhibits ovulation (in super simple terms). The term is called lactation amenorrhea. If you are exclusively breastfeeding and breastfeeding on demand, the chance of getting your period back is quite low. However, once you start introducing solids and you are no long exclusively breastfeeding, the chance of pregnancy increases and you should use other contraceptive methods IF you don’t want to get pregnant.
Lex is a total MILK MONSTER and loves nursing day and night. Therefore I was a bit worried that I would not be able to get my period back soon. We were definitely not ready to wean and I also did not want to deny Lex milk just so I would get my period back. I tried the “not offering but not saying no” approach where I wouldn’t offer milk to Lex but I would also allow him to nurse whenever he wanted. This worked out ok in the beginning but soon he was getting so demanding and he would rip at my shirt whenever he wanted milk. He was also teething A LOT (8 teeth in 2-3 months) so he really needed the extra comfort and was nursing nonstop.
I decided to do a deeper dig into the research and see what else I could do to try and get my period back instead of decreasing Lex’s nursing. I was really excited to find these amazing twoarticles, which provided some very interesting research on how to get pregnant without affecting your nursing at all! Both articles mention the Metabolic Load Hypothesis, which basically means that a woman gets her period back when her energy level is positive again. Breastfeeding and childbirth takes a big toll on your body, so essentially the hypothesis states that a woman will get her period back when her body feels ready and has enough energy. Both articles recommend basically eating more and lessening structured exercise.
I was really excited to find out that there was another way to get my period, but I was still in my postpartum fitness journey and had just gotten back to my pre-pregnancy weight and fitness. I didn’t really feel like intentionally lowering my exercises or increasing my food intake. However, the timing worked out really well since Lex’s teething caused his sleep to be absolutely horrible so I became very tired for a few weeks and naturally decreased my exercise. We also had a staycation and some extra dinners so I did increase my caloric intake a little. I also did try to be a bit more relaxed about my eating and exercise in general. I noticed that after the few weeks I did gain a bit of weight like 2-3 pounds.
At 13 months postpartum, I noticed that my cervical fluid was quite watery. I was excited and felt that maybe this was a sign that things were happening. At 14 months, the cervical fluid was quite thick and I also had mild cramps for around 4 days. Two weeks later my period came! I was ecstatic! While I am not 100% sure whether it had to do with my relaxation of food and exercise or that it was just because I was 14 months postpartum and Lex’s nursing patterns had changed, I am very glad that it returned and I hope that this information also helps other moms who are trying to get their period back while breastfeeding!
Jerry and I used to travel A LOT – like a crazy amount. We used to go to Holland every 2 months and then 3-4 trips a year for triathlon races and on top of that regular leisure trips. Things all froze once the pandemic hit and we also welcomed our dear baby Lex soon after. We obviously would not travel as much now that we have a baby but we were still very excited to take Lex on holidays. Unfortunately the pandemic lasted much longer than anyone expected and we still haven’t had a chance to travel anywhere with Lex (this staycation happened back in the summer and since then we HAVE traveled with Lex, but that will be for another post).
I have been wanting to do a staycation for some time but I always wasn’t sure if it would actually be a good idea. We had everything we needed at home and living in the south side often felt like a vacation anyways. We were also unsure of how Lex’s sleep schedule would be like in a hotel and worried that we would end up being more tired than usual if his schedule blew up. After toying with the idea for some time, Jerry surprised me by booking a staycation at the Grand Hyatt for the weekend! In the days leading up to it, I was SO excited. It really felt like we were going away on a trip.
Hotels in Hong Kong have been busting out deals to try and survive during the pandemic. We noticed that the lobby was very busy and there was a line to check in. It was nice to see that people were responding to the deals and hopefully the hotels are making some money. The room had an amazing view of the city and the harbourfront and Lex instantly climbed onto the window to check it out. He was so excited the whole time and kept running around the room to explore his new surroundings. Lex recently started walking so it was perfect timing to do a staycation because he could walk around on his own and we didn’t want him crawling on the floors.
The hotel was very thoughtful and prepared a lot of kid friendly items such as a welcome bag with a mask, a coupon for a snack, and also baby bathtub, shampoo, and slippers!
After relaxing in the room for a little, it was time for our afternoon tea. The sandwiches and sweets were so yummy! The afternoon tea also came with a buffet of waffles, crepes, ice cream, fruit, macarons, and chocolates. Lex had some insane amount of energy and I liked how there was space for him to walk around. There were also some beautiful live music playing and Lex was completely captivated. It was so sweet!
After the afternoon tea we filled the bathtub for Lex to take a bubble bath. We don’t have a bath tub in our home so Lex was loving it. After the bath it was time to start Lex’s bedtime routine around 7:30 pm. The building lights were flashing and he was getting so distracted so we ended up closing all the blinds. We bedshare so it was quite convenient for me to just nurse him to sleep on the bed and there was no need to set up a portable crib etc. It was a bit tricky though after he fell asleep because Jerry and I had to talk quietly and hang out in the dark. We decided to order some room service and enjoyed some alone time in the dark together. Lex did wake up randomly around 9:30 pm and didn’t want to go back to sleep until past 11 pm!
Overall the night was ok, the bed is a bit smaller than the bed we have at home so we were all a bit cramped but we made it! As always, Lex woke around 5:30-6 am and we decided to go to the Central Harbourfront for a walk. Jerry and I used to always run this path and it was exciting to see how much it has expanded. It was really well organized and there were lots of cute artwork and playful areas for children. It was nice to explore something new in our own city.
After our walk it was time for the breakfast buffet! Hotel breakfasts are my favorite and something I look forward to during our travels. The Grand Hyatt one did not disappoint with a large array of yummy foods. We definitely stuffed ourselves this trip! Lex went down for his first nap at 10 am nicely and it was time for me to get pampered! My lovely husband booked me a massage and it was a really great way to unwind and relax.
Jerry and I both realized how nice to was to just do something new and get away for a day. Even though we are unable to travel with Lex yet, it was so nice to have this new experience and he handled it like a champ! There are definitely more staycations in store for us!
Being a new parent is hard work! There is SO much to learn and you feel like you are pulled in all directions. The baby becomes the #1 priority and often times we forget to take care of ourselves and the marriage. Let’s be real, any second you get you want to either sleep in or just lay around, but it is so important to make the extra effort to connect with your partner and spend some quality time. This applies for parents at any stage of parenthood, not just new parents. As we know, babies go through all sorts of development leaps and sleep regressions and they always keep us on our toes! It’s important to make sure you take extra time and effort to ensure your marriage does not suffer and you don’t want to chew up your partner.
Jerry and I have a wonderful relationship and I adore him to bits, but I would be lying if I said that the first few months were totally smooth and easy! Did I love seeing my husband become a father and my heart melted when I saw him with Lex? 100% yes. Did I want to sometimes strangle him? Also yes. We definitely noticed that we were short with each other more often and acting grumpy. It is completely understandable… you are figuring out newborn care (and continue to figure out child care month after month, it never stops) and you are functioning with very little sleep. For us mamas, we are also experiencing some raging hormones and recovering from childbirth (and maybe breastfeeding too!). It is normal to be more grumpy and irritable. However, it is so important to recognize that this is a sensitive and difficult period and to proactively do things to make sure you are looking out for your partner and your marriage. Your baby is incredibly important, but a strong partnership in your marriage is also essential and is the foundation of the family. Don’t ever forget that!
Here are some tips that I found very helpful:
Checking in often: it may just be a small text or a quick word, but it makes a huge difference because your partner will feel like you care and you will also be more in tuned to how each other is doing (and what to do to fix/improve things). Simple questions like “how are you feeling today?” or “how is the day going” are enough!
Open communication: the worst thing is to bottle up your feelings and let it build up. Even if it’s your husband or wife, they might know you well but they can’t read your mind ALL the time. Jerry and I make sure to speak up once something rubs us the wrong way or if we notice that we are feeling extra irritable. We are completely honest with each other and we always talk things out. Even if it feels petty, it never hurts to let them know. Sometimes I will recognize that I am being unreasonable but would still like him to know that his action is bothering me, for example: “I know I am being extra sensitive and it is probably just me, but you are really rubbing me the wrong way today etc.”
Recognizing each other’s efforts + saying thank you: when you are feeling tired and discouraged, it always feels nice to hear that someone is acknowledging your efforts and that you’re doing a good job. Make that extra effort to thank or praise your spouse, it will make them feel good!
Find time for each other: it does not have to be an entire outing or a grand experience, but just finding some small pockets of time throughout the day to show affection and connection. Jerry and I make sure we have some time together when Lex is napping. Sometimes it is just a short cuddle on the couch or a 3 second hug in the kitchen, it is an instant mood lifter.
Affection and intimacy: intimacy could be the last thing on your mind post baby but even a long hug or a nice kiss could make a world of difference. Sometimes we are so rushed and stressed, you forget to show your partner some love.
Look back on you as a couple before kids: Jerry recently spent some time looking at old photo books and videos of our trips and we both loved reminiscing on all the fun we had. We absolutely adore our time as a family now with Lex but it is really lovely to look back on our more carefree days when we traveled a lot and did a lot of races together! Sometimes it can feel like you’e overwhelmed by parenthood and you aren’t the same person as before, so it is refreshing to remind yourself of who you and your spouse were before kids (and you can definitely apply those things to your family life too! Life does not end after kids).
Date nights: this can be tough with busy work schedules and child care but even just once a month or every other week is a great start. Sometimes you feel like its too much effort but I can promise you you will never regret a date night. Jerry and I try to do a date night every other week and take turns organizing. We always have an amazing time and love the solo time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company.
I hope that these ideas will be helpful and make the parenting experience even more enjoyable. It can be tough, but you and your partner are a team and will come out stronger than before!
This quote could not be more true as I look back on this amazing year. It is hard to believe that it has been 365 days since Lex came into the world. I still remember going to the hospital because my water broke early and the grueling 36 hours before finally having to do an emergency c section. It feels just like yesterday when we left the comfort (and 24 hour support of the midwives) of the hospital and brought Lex home, we were filled with excitement and nerves… it was the beginning of our new life as a family. Looking back at photos, it is hard to imagine my bubbly and energetic boy as this tiny and fragile little bean. The most bittersweet thing of being a mother is trying to desperately freeze and memorize every little moment, yet the days seem to fly by and sometimes you can’t even remember what happened the day before. I am so excited to see Lex grow and to see his personality shine through, yet my heart aches when I notice how clothes that were loose just a week before, are now starting to be too tight. The baby face is starting to have glimmers of a little boy, and soon the babbling will turn into words.
Some days are so tough – with a total lack of sleep and a fussy and grumpy baby that seem impossible to appease, yet motherhood is easily one of the most fulfilling and incredible experiences I have ever been through. The learning curve is brutal – I was also not prepared for all the major changes and how parenthood is such a non-linear experience. Once we felt like we had gotten something, things would change again! It wasn’t always easy for us, there were days where we felt grumpy and exhausted. However, through it all, we have learnt so much together, leaned on each other, and gotten out stronger and more united than ever. I look back on this year and am so proud of everything we have learnt and accomplished together. Witnessing Jerry’s journey as a father has also been incredibly heartwarming. I knew he would be the most incredible dad and he met and exceeded all my expectations.
Before becoming a parent, I had no idea about all the milestones and other incredible things that babies learn in their first year of life. It has been so eyeopening to see Lex develop and explore the world around him. Watching him sleep for most of the day and making the tiniest little sounds, to rolling, crawling, and breaking into the most adorable smile and giggles that melt my entire heart. I was not expecting how much I would enjoy watching him develop and figure things out. It is so fascinating to me to see how he starts to understand and mimic certain actions. He would interact with toys and with us in a totally different way and it is so satisfying to see. I have had so many excited and proud parent moments! Watching him is also a daily reminder for us adults to appreciate and enjoy little things that we may have forgotten about, the wonder and excitement of a child is truly inspiring and I hope to stop and admire things around me more.
I was also not prepared for the overwhelming emotions that came with motherhood. I always knew that I wanted to be a mother and that I would love my family, but to experience this love and connection in real life was a different story. I often hear of mother’s talking about how it is a love you have never experienced before, and I jokingly felt like the husband now became chopped liver, but I know understood what they meant. Of course I love my husband to bits, but the tender love you feel for your child is something that cannot be explained. There are times when I look down at Lex while he’s nursing or after he has just fallen asleep, his chest rising gently and his soft cheek against me, and it feels like my heart will explode. I look at Lex and I think of all the things I want to do in this world to help him flourish and grow. I wonder at the end of each day whether I loved him enough and whether he knows how much he is loved.
I definitely think motherhood made me a better person. It makes me think of how I want to be as a role model to Lex and what values I want to pass down to him. It has made me a more thoughtful and empathetic person. Motherhood also made me realize how strong I was and how much I was willing to sacrifice and do for Lex. I have always been a confident person who believed in my abilities, but I was quite apprehensive about the lack of sleep. I had expected the bad sleep to last for around 3 months (oh so naive) but it has been over 1 year since I slept uninterrupted for more than 6 hours and I am still trucking along. Parenting with Jerry also made us learn more about each other and made our bond stronger. It was not always easy, especially in the beginning when we had very little help, but it made us figure out how to work through difficult times and support each other.
Even though it has been a whole year already, sometimes it still feels a bit unreal that I am a mother. I look at Lex and I think about how I grew and nurtured him in my body for 9 months, how he was brought into the world, and how he is now this energetic little boy. Sometimes Jerry and I will look at Lex and say “we made him!”. It is such an honor that I am tasked with raising and guiding this little human. What a wonderful thing it is, to meet your soulmate and have the opportunity to create another living being and create a family. Being a mother is one of the greatest blessings of my life. It has far surpassed anything I could have ever imagined and I feel lucky everyday to be able to experience this crazy rollercoaster ride.
Cooking for my loved ones is one of my favorite things to do, so I was super excited to introduce solids to Lex. Solids can be introduced to babies from 4 months but most start around 6 months. As always this is an account of my own personal experience and should never be taken as professional medical or nutritional advice. Do your own research to figure out what is best for your family.
Sitting up (some resources say unsupported, some say with some support such as towels. We did not do baby led weaning until he was sitting up fully unsupported but we did offer him some puree when he could sit up supported)
Can hold up head/neck strength
Loss of tongue thrust instinct
Fascination with food/meal time
Lex was able to sit up supported with some towels around 5 months and also showed A LOT of interest in our food. We spoke to our pediatrician and she said that we can start him out on some rice cereal while he sits in his baby bouncer. I did a little bit of research and felt that rice cereal was not actually that nutritious, so we decided to try some mashed up banana as his first food. We spoon fed him a little bit of the puree but quickly found out that he still had his tongue thrust reflex where he was pushing everything out with his tongue. We decided to wait a little bit and try again later.
At 5.5 months, we decided to give it a go again! He no longer had this tongue thrust reflex so we decided to start off with some single ingredient purees. We did not feel comfortable starting BLW (baby led weaning) yet because he was still unable to sit unsupported. It is important that he can do that for BLW so that he does not choke. We wanted to start off with single ingredient foods so that we can make sure he was not allergic to anything. We do not have any family history of food allergies but if you do, you should speak to your doctor before introducing top allergens such as nuts or dairy. Don’t introduce a bunch of new things at once or else it will be difficult for you to isolate which ingredient is the issue. When we introduced peanut butter (OUR FAVORITE) for the first time, we thinned it out into yogurt or oatmeal cereal and watched him carefully. If nothing happened for a few minutes, we gave him more. It is beneficial to introduce top allergens before 12 months and to do it consistently! Apart from peanut butter, I also purchased a 7 nut mix that I add to Lex’s breakfast consistently. He also had no issues with dairy or seafood, etc. Lex was not that keen on being spoon fed and would always grab the spoon and feed himself. It was a mess but it was so cute watching him discover new flavors and his dexterity in holding the spoon.
At 6 months, Lex could sit up properly without support so it was time to BLW! Baby led weaning is a method of feeding where you mostly skip spoon fed purees and offer your baby finger foods that they can grab and feed themselves. Some strict BLW followers say you need to skip purees all together but others argue that purees can also be offered on a preloaded spoon for babies to feed themselves with. Baby led weaning boasts a lot of benefits, including allowing the baby to self regulate their feeding, improving hand eye coordination, better relationship with food/more adventurous palate, and convenience for parents also! I purchased two books that I found very helpful. One is Baby Led Feeding by Jenna Helwig and the other is Simple and Safe Baby Led Weaning by Malina Malkani. Baby Led Feeding provides LOTS of amazing recipes while Simple and Safe Baby Led weaning gives you great basic information like how to serve single ingredient items safely. Both were helpful in different ways. As I started to move on from single ingredient items, I used the Baby Led Feeding book much more. The instagram account of “Infant Nutritionist” also played a vital role in my research for BLW. I would urge all parents who plan to BLW to read up on it and check out all the different resources out there.
However, like all things, this might not be the right choice for every family so do your research and see what works for you. I loved the idea of BLW but also felt that Lex wasn’t actually ingesting a lot of the food. He loved exploring the foods but not a lot was actually swallowed. I loved that it allowed him to explore at his own pace and the intake of food is not the only reason we eat, but it was also important for me for him to get his needed nutrition and caloric intake. Therefore we decided to go for a mixed approach. Breakfast would be mostly BLW with some spoon fed items and lunch was spoon fed puree. I realized that what was most important to me was responsive feeding – which is also in line with how I breastfed Lex! I wanted to respect him and look to him for his hunger cues, and not feed him according to what made sense to me. With responsive feeding, you don’t try to coax or force your baby to have “just one more bite”, if they are full and turn away from the food or are disinterested, we clean them up and end the meal session!
Of course, starting solids, especially with BLW, can get MESSY! It is quite cute to see food all over Lex’s face but it can also be quite a lot of work during the clean up. It definitely does help to have a dog when you are starting solids with a baby. Mister is always hovering around like a shark when Lex is eating and vacuuming up any bits that fall to the ground. I also HATE wasting food and I feel much better knowing that Mister can gobble up the leftovers (obviously making sure that he can eat the ingredients.
I was really happy with our mixed approach because Lex was able to practice BLW and also get his adequate nutritional intake. He was ravenous for the purees and we definitely saw him plumb up a bit after starting the mixed feeding approach. It is also important to note that you should have a neutral or positive attitude when introducing solids, don’t be upset if your baby rejects certain foods. Some meals are a huge hit while others are not! If your baby does not like a certain food, don’t try to force it and introduce it another time.
We try to keep his diet quite varied but one thing you need to pay attention to is iron. In the books and resources I read, it is said that babies have an iron reserve when they are born but that will run out around 6 months. While breastmilk is the perfect nutrition, it does not contain iron so babies will need to get it from iron rich foods such as red meat.
One important to look out for is to understand the difference between gagging and choking. Gagging is a normal protective reflex for babies and while it is scary, try to remain calm when it happens. This is a helpful page on noticing the difference and what to do! I would also recommend taking a pediatric first aid course to make sure you know what to do in emergencies. Jerry and I took one and we feel more secure after doing so. Another thing to read up on are certain foods that babies should NOT have. The #1 thing is honey because of the risk of botulism but apart from that babies can have most things, but do make sure you know about choking hazards such as grapes, hard apple bits, and sticky foods (that’s why it’s important to thin out nut butters). The things I listed are not exhaustive so make sure you do your due diligence.
In the beginning, we started out with 1 meal at day (breakfast) and we added lunch around 7 months. By 8 months Lex was having 3 meals a day! Even for someone who loves to cook, moving from 2 meals to 3 meals did require some planning. I decided to have dinner be BLW style also and Lex can eat our food with some adjustments. We also offer him water with an open cup after each meal because sippy cups are actually not the best for feeding development.
Essentially, this is the breakdown of Lex’s meals.
Breakfast is usually a combination of: BLW fruit (favorites include strawberries, golden kiwi, papaya, blackberries, oranges) + spoon fed or BLW oatmeal cereal/toast with pb/nut butter/avo + yogurt (mixed with chia and flax seeds, sometimes mashed fruit) and sometimes eggs(plain scrambled, with cheese, omelette). We also do banana pancakes and Taiwanese egg rolls!
Lunch: purees (usually a meat with a bunch of veggies and a grain (there has been a recent concern about arsenic in rice so I try to do a variety including rice, oatmeal quinoa, millet, polenta, amaranth, etc.) Around 9 months Lex started preferring a chunkier puree and by 11 months he was mostly off purees and ate modified “adult” meals.
Dinner: BLW of adjusted food that we eat (unsalted meats and veggies) and usually an extra carb for Lex as we usually eat less carbs for our dinner.
Around 8 months, I also started to bake him baby friendly muffins as a snacks. These are usually sweetened with fruits such as banana and dates and don’t contain salt. I also try to add extra fruit and veggies in there! These recipes will be posted on the website!
Around 10 months, I noticed that Lex got dramatically pickier! I read that it is common around this age because they want to exert control. We initially tried to mix things he liked (like yogurt) into meals but I stopped doing that because it was not a good habit to form. I reminded myself that I needed to be neutral and to just keep offering different foods. It definitely can be difficult when he rejects everything sometimes but I just had to stay on course and keep offering a variety of foods. He can definitely be a bit of a diva and turning away dramatically from the food, spitting things out, and even hitting away my hand! Sometimes if he ignored a food item, I will try to save it for the next day and make another dish out of it. Baby’s preferences and mood change all the time so I continued to offer him different things and just got used to the volatility. Sometimes he would scream at the food and sometimes he would gobble it up! It’s all a learning process (for him and me!).
When we eat out, I give Lex some of the items that Jerry and I are eating and sometimes order a little extra something for him. For example, when we ate out at a Thai restaurant, I ordered him some Hainan chicken rice. He loved the rice and I also broke off some small pieces of chicken for him. Other things I’ve given him while eating out were unseasoned fried rice from the kid’s menu and toast strips and chili. Lex also tried some spicy fried rice and loved it! If we are going to a place that does not seem like it will have baby friendly food, we will bring organic baby food pouches (we love the Ella’s kitchen brand). I try to bring things that don’t have too much sugar (more veggie blends over fruits) and also make sure it does not contain any preservatives. I love having Lex join us for meals and it does not need to be a stressful thing at all!
There are mix opinions about whether you should nurse before or after meals. My pediatrician said after while many sources online says before! I don’t really have a rule about it, if Lex is hungry before the meal I will nurse him but if he isn’t trying to nurse I will offer him the solid food meal first. It doesn’t seem to affect his intake of food so I feel ok continuing. You can chat with your pediatrician and also see whether your baby’s behavior is different whether you offer milk before or after meals. However, a baby’s reaction to different foods can be so random so it could be difficult to pinpoint!
In terms of organic vs not organic… we do make an effort to buy organic ingredients for him but its not all or nothing. Organic products are more limited and it would be too stressful and restrictive to do ALL organic. I make a lot of effort to buy high quality and sustainable/wild catch meats and seafood for us as a family so that works out well for Lex’s food also. I also found a great online grocer who has small 100 grams of packaged proteins specifically for babies. This is particularly useful for when I am making purees for him, however, you can easily just cut off some of the meats you use for your own dinner.
Babies are not supposed to have much salt at all and refined sugars are also not great for them. We try to minimize giving Lex those things but we are also not super intense attitude about it. When I am cooking at home, I hardly ever add salt or sugar into his food, I also shy away from pre-made sauces. I noticed that we as a family ate less salted food ever since I started cooking for Lex. However, similar to our own diet, we try to have a balanced approach with feeding him and we let him have “unhealthy” things like fries and ice cream once in a while! Eating nutritious food is important, but food should also be an enjoyment!
Here is a list of products that I use for starting solids
Stokke Steps high chair (the chair is beautiful and provides good support but I think the tray table is a bit silly because you can’t wash it under water and there are some difficult to clean crevices)
You can also check out many of Lex’s meals in my Instagram under the highlight “Lex’s food”!
Introducing solids has been such a joy! Enjoying delicious food and eating together are important things to our family and I am so happy to see that Lex is such a great little eater (sometimes!). He has tried so many different things and I look forward to many happy family meals together.
Stephanie Lau 