Being a new parent is hard work! There is SO much to learn and you feel like you are pulled in all directions. The baby becomes the #1 priority and often times we forget to take care of ourselves and the marriage. Let’s be real, any second you get you want to either sleep in or just lay around, but it is so important to make the extra effort to connect with your partner and spend some quality time. This applies for parents at any stage of parenthood, not just new parents. As we know, babies go through all sorts of development leaps and sleep regressions and they always keep us on our toes! It’s important to make sure you take extra time and effort to ensure your marriage does not suffer and you don’t want to chew up your partner.

Jerry and I have a wonderful relationship and I adore him to bits, but I would be lying if I said that the first few months were totally smooth and easy! Did I love seeing my husband become a father and my heart melted when I saw him with Lex? 100% yes. Did I want to sometimes strangle him? Also yes. We definitely noticed that we were short with each other more often and acting grumpy. It is completely understandable… you are figuring out newborn care (and continue to figure out child care month after month, it never stops) and you are functioning with very little sleep. For us mamas, we are also experiencing some raging hormones and recovering from childbirth (and maybe breastfeeding too!). It is normal to be more grumpy and irritable. However, it is so important to recognize that this is a sensitive and difficult period and to proactively do things to make sure you are looking out for your partner and your marriage. Your baby is incredibly important, but a strong partnership in your marriage is also essential and is the foundation of the family. Don’t ever forget that!

Here are some tips that I found very helpful:

• Checking in often: it may just be a small text or a quick word, but it makes a huge difference because your partner will feel like you care and you will also be more in tuned to how each other is doing (and what to do to fix/improve things). Simple questions like “how are you feeling today?” or “how is the day going” are enough!
• Open communication: the worst thing is to bottle up your feelings and let it build up. Even if it’s your husband or wife, they might know you well but they can’t read your mind ALL the time. Jerry and I make sure to speak up once something rubs us the wrong way or if we notice that we are feeling extra irritable. We are completely honest with each other and we always talk things out. Even if it feels petty, it never hurts to let them know. Sometimes I will recognize that I am being unreasonable but would still like him to know that his action is bothering me, for example: “I know I am being extra sensitive and it is probably just me, but you are really rubbing me the wrong way today etc.”
• Recognizing each other’s efforts + saying thank you: when you are feeling tired and discouraged, it always feels nice to hear that someone is acknowledging your efforts and that you’re doing a good job. Make that extra effort to thank or praise your spouse, it will make them feel good!
• Find time for each other: it does not have to be an entire outing or a grand experience, but just finding some small pockets of time throughout the day to show affection and connection. Jerry and I make sure we have some time together when Lex is napping. Sometimes it is just a short cuddle on the couch or a 3 second hug in the kitchen, it is an instant mood lifter.
• Affection and intimacy: intimacy could be the last thing on your mind post baby but even a long hug or a nice kiss could make a world of difference. Sometimes we are so rushed and stressed, you forget to show your partner some love.
• Look back on you as a couple before kids: Jerry recently spent some time looking at old photo books and videos of our trips and we both loved reminiscing on all the fun we had. We absolutely adore our time as a family now with Lex but it is really lovely to look back on our more carefree days when we traveled a lot and did a lot of races together! Sometimes it can feel like you’e overwhelmed by parenthood and you aren’t the same person as before, so it is refreshing to remind yourself of who you and your spouse were before kids (and you can definitely apply those things to your family life too! Life does not end after kids).
• Date nights: this can be tough with busy work schedules and child care but even just once a month or every other week is a great start. Sometimes you feel like its too much effort but I can promise you you will never regret a date night. Jerry and I try to do a date night every other week and take turns organizing. We always have an amazing time and love the solo time to reconnect and enjoy each other’s company.

I hope that these ideas will be helpful and make the parenting experience even more enjoyable. It can be tough, but you and your partner are a team and will come out stronger than before!